UNDER COVID, PT. 28: DOWN WE GO

Nyah nyah! Our lawn is greater than your lawn!

You wouldn't know it from the photo I took yesterday of Central Park's Great Lawn, but New York City really is coming back to life. During working hours, traffic in my neighborhood has nearly returned to its pre-COVID numbers. Delivery trucks are once again beginning to clog the streets. And it's getting more and more difficult to avoid other pedestrians.

Bikers who took over when cars disappeared overnight now find themselves competing for power with drivers who want their territory back. Crossing the street takes more attention than we've become used to. Worst of all, it probably won't be long until the crystal clear skies we've been enjoying recently will return to their normal, slightly hazy state. I know I'm not the only New Yorker who occasionally misses the bad old days of COVID-19.  

Even the statue of Eleanor Roosevelt isn't taking any chances.

Oh, there's still evidence of its presence. Unlike the states where "Jesus is my vaccine" (and apparently doesn't work all that well), we New Yorkers are still wearing masks and keeping our distance in grocery stores. 

To those states who made a point early on of wanting visitors from New York to self-quarantine for two weeks when visiting, I say: just stay where you are for as long as possible. To paraphrase Michelle Obama, when we go low, you go high -- in COVID numbers.

Yet, I've noticed that the percentage of people in my neighborhood who wear masks drops on weekends. This coincides with the rising number of pedestrians who are out enjoying the warmer weather. So it isn't that there are fewer people wearing masks; it's just that there are more who aren't. That kind of double-talk should make me qualified for political office if my background work doesn't return.

Phase One of our re-opening allowed me to have a long-delayed visit to my dermatologist. Upon entering, her assistant pointed a high-tech thermometer at my face like a cop pulling a gun on a black guy for a broken taillight. For the rest of the visit, everyone wore masks. When I removed mine for certain parts of the exam, I was told to keep my mouth shut, which, as a married man, I'm used to.

Enlarged photo of my scalp.

The dermatologist froze enough spots off me to fill a small bag of peas. She also sliced off three others, one of which (on my left mandible) was judged to be basil cell carcinoma, which will lead to a visit to the surgeon at the end of the month. Similar surgeries on the top of my head have prepared me for the event: numbness followed by pain and depression, similar to what many women in my life have felt. 

I'd call that a punchable face, but I'd
probably get arrested for inciting a crime.

Phase Two of re-opening is on track to start next Monday. We know that because our idiot mayor, Bill de Blasio, was considering putting it off until July. And when de Blasio thinks of doing anything, Gov. Andrew Cuomo jumps in to remind him who's boss.

Bill de Blasio has managed the impressive feat of overtaking David Dinkins as New York's most ineffectual leader in anybody's memory. He goes beyond being the Rodney Dangerfield of mayors. Democrats, Republicans, protesters, cops -- from Alphabet City to Harlem, from the East River to the Hudson, Staten Island to the Bronx -- all of us agree de Blasio is New York's biggest mistake since losing the Brooklyn Dodgers to L.A. The only people who actually want to have a (literal) sitdown with our idiot mayor are the BLM protesters who hold a vigil outside Gracie Mansion (or as close to it as the cops will allow) every evening from 7:00 to 7:30.

Welcome to Gracie Mansion!

This is what a building with $10,000,000 apartments looks like.

The prospect of talking to de Blasio for a half hour sounds exhilarating as conversing with a can of garbanzo beans. Instead, the only reaction the protesters have gotten is the fancy condo across the street boarding up its first floor windows, anticipating riots that will never happen. 

I wouldn't be too sure of that.

Even when de Blasio does something positive, like hiring contact tracers to interview people who have had COVID, he manages to screw it up. Like by telling those tracers not to ask people if they've taken part in the protests going around the city every day. Idiot.

At least most of the protesters are wearing masks, so I'm not worried about them. It's those under-35s who come out on weekends to congregate outside bars offering curbside service -- which would be all of them -- that concern me. When I say I'd like a return to the bad old days of COVID-19, I mean without the negative side effects.

                                                *************************