BEAUTY AND THE LEAST

Unrealistic? Yes. Beauty? Uhhh...

 I wrote this post last Wednesday, with the intention of posting it the following day. Unfortunately, an attempted putsch distracted me. Here it is now. Enjoy a little levity before I return to vicious commentary.

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Because people have absolutely nothing better to do, a four year-old animated short that nobody saw, cared about or even heard of has become this week's favorite piece of target practice.

Inner Workings -- I told you that you never heard of it -- features a young woman named Kate who has, to be kind, unusual body proportions.  But being a cartoon, this is nothing more than a 10-minute sight gag.

Unless you're a member of the Twitter army. Then you've aimed your ammo at Disney Studios due to their "unrealistic beauty standards". 

Well, join the club, ladies! Now you know how guys feel every time you gush about Harry Styles, Tom Cruise, Denzel Washington, Brad Pitt -- you know, real people that won the sperm lotto. The least you could do is laugh at a caricature of a person who doesn't even exist. 

But why stop at a cartoon from 2016? Let's rewind and get offended by female cartoon characters from even further in the past.

Talk about unrealistic beauty standards! You can tell that the female mouse on the left is ready to attack Minnie. How is the real rodent possibly expected to compare favorably to a relative with that kind of wardrobe? And where did she get that round face? No wonder the real thing can't get a date with one of her own kind.

 

As long as we're doing a Disney take-down, we might as well cover Minnie's best friend. Now admittedly, the duck on the left is very pretty -- if you're human. But do you think Donald would look at it twice if the babe in the blue blouse and pink accoutrements were nearby? And I dare the real thing to equal Daisy's come-hither charm.
 

 

If the recreation on the left is any indication of the real thing, no wonder she's sneaking up to club Betty and Wilma. She would literally kill for either of those dresses. And that jewelry! But before she swings the final blow, she better find out the name of their hairdressers. And get some lipstick while you're at it!

 

Before transforming into the miniature sexpot she was best known as, Betty Boop started out in her earliest cartoons as a dog -- making her literally fetching. But as bizarre as she appears to 21st-century eyes, just imagine how ticked-off the bulldog was when people compared their looks. And how the hell is it supposed to bend its arms like Betty? Bitch!

Sorry, ladies, you're going to have to do better than that if you want to be constantly fought over by two guys every day of your life. Why not take a cue from Olive Oyl's bf and eat some spinach for a change?

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