THE BALLAD OF HARRY AND MEGHAN

Only the not-so-latent racism of the UK tabloids could
make me feel sympathy for anybody in the royal family.

Most unemployed people  interviewed on the news get 30 seconds of airtime. Unless you're the former Duke and Duchess of Sussex. Then it's  a two-hour prime network interview, followed by a rehash the following morning. We get it, you both come from dysfunctional families! Join the club!

I can't figure out America's fascination with the world's largest welfare family. We fought a revolution to get their ancestors off our backs, remember? And yet here come Harry and Meghan, now relocated from foggy London to sunny Beverly Hills (one gated community to another!) to spill their royal guts in front of TV cameras. Doesn't their insurance cover private therapy?

If it feels like you've seen this drama before -- and I'm not talking about The Crown --  well, you have. At least if you're old enough. Originally, our hero was named John, as in Lennon

In the beginning were two sensitive boys who never got over losing their mothers in terrible auto accidents. While John tried to ignore his sorrow for the good of his music, Harry had to suck it up for the good of the family.

Fortunately, each had a mate who understood their pain. Paul McCartney lost his mother as well, while Harry and his brother William leaned on each other for comfort. John and Paul created the greatest pop music of their day. Harry and William looked good in suits. Both pairs were inseparable...

Until they met their wives-to-be, both of whom were non-Anglo-Saxon. For John, it was a C-list performance artist/divorcee whose most famous bit was getting her clothes cut off onstage. For Harry, it was a C-list TV actor/divorcee whose most famous bit was going down on her boyfriend in the front seat of a car in the cable series Suits. No wonder the guys were entranced!

Both couples went through the sorrow of miscarriage, in 1968 and 2020 respectively. But while people took pity on John and Yoko, Meghan's published account of her experience proved that it isn't just the press that lacks empathy.

 

John and Harry realized there was life beyond what the world expected from them. Deciding it was time to be adults, they got married and grew beards. A cursory look at pictures of them together with their new wives show an uneasiness bordering on contempt for their public personae. They were about to enter a new professional phase of their lives, leaving behind the people they had known forever. The Beatles were the bigger loss.

 

It doesn't help when their wives' ethnic background brings out the latent racism of the press, particularly in the UK. Whether it was Esquire's notorious title of their profile of Yoko Ono (hey, it was funny a half-century ago!) or the BBC's Danny Baker "joke" on his Twitter account regarding the birth of Prince Archie, the negative treatment only pushes John and Harry closer to their wives -- exactly what the press didn't  want. Good job, guys!

Following their marriages, both couples try to put their celebrity to good use. For John and Yoko, it's believing that lying in bed is a legitimate protest against the Vietnam War. For Harry and Meghan, it's trademarking 100 products with the "Sussex Royal" brand. To nobody's surprise, the war continues, while Harry's grandma puts the kibosh on their money-making scheme. Hey, all you crazy kids got some publicity out of it, right?

 Finally finding the courage to leave his family (i.e., the Beatles), John, with Yoko, eventually decamps for the welcoming arms of New York, where he quickly takes to its just-got-out-of-bed fashion style. Harry, finding the courage to leave his family, takes Meghan (or is it vice-versa?) to the more welcoming arms of Los Angeles, where they overdress at the beach. You can't shake some habits.

When the time was right, John and Yoko chose the 1970s father confessor, Jann Wenner, to destroy the  Beatles myth. Harry and Meghan chose our current mother confessor, Oprah Winfrey, to destroy the royal family myth. The world gasps, shudders, and sobs.

The difference: John Lennon, a/k/a John Winston Lennon, a/k/a John Ono Lennon, was a key part of a musical revolution that reverberates over 50 years later. Harry, a/k/a His Royal Highness Henry Charles Albert David, a/k/a Captain Harry Wales, a/k/a Duke of Sussex, a/k/a Prince Harry just has a lot of names. 

As for Yoko Ono, the one-time Greenwich Village performance artist lives out her life in her nine-room co-op in New York's legendary Dakota building -- only a fraction of her $700-million assets. No starving artist she!

 

Meghan Markle lives "authentically" (as she puts it) with her husband in their $14.5-million Beverly Hills mansion. While she earned $5-million during her career, Harry is worth at least $40-million, mainly from an inheritance from his mother. This amount doesn't include an annual allowance from his father, nor the $100-million production deal from Netflix. 

Neither women were remarkable in their former careers, but certainly married smart. Each story, then, has a happy ending. For the women, anyway.

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I hate to defend royalty, but compare the press coverage of Kate and Meghan:

https://www.boredpanda.com/uk-media-double-standarts-royal-meghan-markle-kate-middleton/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic