MOVIE OF THE DAY: "THE LONGEST NIGHT" (1936)

Some movies are worth watching because they're great. Some, simply because
they're good, Others, because they're strange, or even ridiculous.

Then there's The Longest Night, a movie that falls into its own category: worth watching -- once -- just because it exists. Told essentially in real time, it's the story of  Charley Phelps, who solves two (or was it three?) murders connected to a crime ring operating out of his department store. Oh, and it's a romantic comedy! Are you laughing yet? 

There are more suspects than there are reels, because The Longest Night runs only 51 minutes. Either there was a lot of work going on in post-production, or it was a short subject that got out of hand. And this is an M-G-M movie! Even Monogram pictures were at least 10 minutes longer.

So there's one reason to watch it: by the time you're ready to give up on it, it's over. (It's one of those movies that's best watched late in the evening, when your expectations are lowered).  Then there are the two other reasons. 

Not even Young's co-stars can believe the dreck
that the studio puts him in.

Well, let's make it three, just because I'm a nice guy. And you know who else is? Robert Young. People of my age always associate him with two TV series: Father Knows Best and Marcus Welby M.D., so it often comes as a shock to see him in movies 80 or so years old. 

It must have been frustrating for Young, as a Metro contract player, to have leads in Bs like The Longest Night, and very small supporting roles in his few As at the time. Particularly when the very same year as The Longest Night, he was loaned to out to Alfred Hitchcock (still working in the UK) who cast him in Secret Agent alongside John Gielgud! No wonder Young became an alcoholic.

Ted squints his eyes to make sure he's not acting
opposite Mitch McConnell.

Reason number two for viewing The Longest Night is Ted Healy as the archetypal stupid cop. Known by no one other than wackos like me, Healy is the guy who put together Three Stooges. The handful of movies they made at Metro, with Ted as their ringleader, irritate Stooge fans today who resent this alleged outsider hogging the spotlight. 

Over the years, I've warmed up to Healy, especially when he's working solo (he and the Stooges parted ways in 1934). There's something dry and oddly witty about his fast-talking style when playing a conman or reporter. But watch him in The Longest Night, where he's a little more low-IQ than usual, and you can see just how influential he was. From his delivery to his double-takes and slapstick physicality, it's obvious that Moe Howard took Ted Healy's entire shtick when he became the top Stooge. Yes, Stooge fans, I like Ted Healy, So there.

"Confucius say, Man who owns department store --
wait, wrong movie."

Once Sidney Toler (a/k/a reason number three), as the detective in charge of the investigation, opens his mouth, he's instantly identifiable as the guy who took over as Charlie Chan after the death of Warner Oland.

When I say identifiable, I'm not kidding.  I could put it down to being aware he was Charlie Chan. But you could show The Longest Night -- or any non-Chan Toler movie, for that matter -- to anybody, and they'd say, "Why's he talking with a Chinese accent?" And here's the thing: watch him long enough and he starts to look Chinese. Either Sidney Toler was a total stiff or a real-life shapeshifter.

Not their best movie, but at least Groucho is funnier
than Sidney Toler.

Three actors and one short running time: those are the reasons to watch The Longest Night.. But wait, there's more, and even odder than anything else. Five years later, it was remade as The Big Store starring the Marx Brothers in their final Metro picture. Same plot, same character names, only with music, even more of a romantic subplot, and Groucho in the Sidney Toler role. 

Although The Big Store runs 1'23", it probably contains only 51 minutes of genuine entertainment. That should tell you something about both movies. But at least The Longest Night is upfront about it.

                                                 ****************

 For more on young Robert Young, go here.

For more on Ted Healy, go here.

For more on Sidney Toler, go here.