BREAKING NEWS: 7/30/21

 ZZ Top guitarist Dusty Hill has died at age 72.

Fans will hold a candlelight memorial for Hill as soon as they figure out which one he was.

 

 

 

 

 

The 7.000 year-old Chinchorro mummies of northern Chile, the oldest in the world purposefully preserved by humans, have been added to UNESCO's World Heritage List.

They are each currently auditioning to be ZZ Top's new guitarist.

 

 

 

 

 

Twitter announced that it was closing its New York and San Francisco offices and pausing all other office reopenings, in response to the latest CDC warnings about COVID-19.

 In a poll following the announcement, 95% of respondents wanted to know what it would take to shut the damn thing down permanently.

 

Texas Governor Greg Abbott signed an executive order Wednesday banning the ground transportation of migrants who illegal crossed the southern border in order to slow the spread of COVID cases that are rising in his state.

 Abbott said, "If anyone's going to spread COVID, it's Republicans and Evangelicals!"  

Rhode Island Senator Sheldon Whitehouse continues to catch heat for belonging to the alleged all-white Bailey's Beach Country Club in Newport. The club's representative, Jack Nolan, told the Providence Journal, "Over many years, Club members and their families have included people of many racial, religious, and ethnic backgrounds."

"For instance," Nolan said, "we have white and tanned members, at least three denominations of Protestantism, and a whole gaggle of British, French and Swedish folks. There's even an Italian in there, but he's our chef. At least he better be."

 

Ron Popeil, who all but created the late-night infomercial and pitched such  items as the Pocket Fisherman, the Veg-O-Matic, the Bedazzler and Mr. Microphone, died today at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles. He was 86.

Popeil's gravestone will read, "But Wait! There's No More!" 

 

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