THE SCARLETT NUMBER

In this corner, at 5'3" and tipping the scales at 125 pounds... earning $20-million per movie even though, at age 36, she's at least a decade older than what Hollywood considers bankable -- the ravishing redhead from Manhattan, Scarlett Johansson!

An in this corner, at  97 years old, spreading across 135 acres of land, with a value of $150-billion...the one-time producers of groundbreaking cinematic art who now focus on remakes, comic books and movies based on amusement park rides... the Walt Disney Company! 

Pay no attention to the man at the
chalkboard.

Has it ever been more difficult to care about rich people taking potshots at each other? Does anyone with a life take sides when tens of millions of dollars are at stake, and not a penny is going to anybody who really needs it? 

First it was Richard Branson and Jeff Bezos vying for first billionaire in space. And now, this:

Scarlett Johansson is suing Disney for breaking their contract by releasing the latest Marvel movie sludge Black Widow both theatrically and on its streaming service. Her salary, she claims, was based upon the picture's box office take. 

Black Widow's production cost, for those who haven't been keeping score (and why would you?), was $200-million. Since its release (delayed a year by the pandemic), it has taken $200-million theatrically, and at least another $60-million on Disney+.

That's pretty good, right? But, as we've learned, a movie needs to recoup roughly twice its cost to start turning a profit. Too, by Disney streaming Black Widow, Johansson's representatives are claiming that she's losing at least an extra $50-million in bonuses.

Fifty-million dollars! What did you get for your last bonus? A $100 American Express gift card?

Even in 1916, studios bragged about
the salaries they pay.

Wait, salaries are supposed to be none of our business! Unless Disney wants to score points with a public becoming increasingly wary of actors complaining how tough they have it. Which is why the studio counter-Tweeted her contractually-obliged $20-million payday.

If only Disney had stopped there. But they had to go and play the coronavirus card with this jab: “The lawsuit is especially sad and distressing in its callous disregard for the horrific and prolonged global effects of the Covid-19 pandemic.”  

"Sad and distressing"? Oh, bro-ther.  A studio hasn't been this insincere since... well, what day is it? At least the Chinese government is no longer the number one suspect in wanting COVID to spread. Scarlett Johansson didn't care if America got sick just as long as she could make bank!

Just another day at the Disney gym.

If one had to take sides, I suppose you'd have to be Team ScarJo. The agreement she made with Disney was that Black Widow would be an exclusive theatrical release. 

But Disney can remind her that was before a certain virus got loose in the world. I want them to make the "Act of God" claim in their defense, just so they can prove to right-wingers that not everybody in Hollywood is an atheist.

I give Johannson credit. She's taking on the biggest movie studio in the world, risking not only future work with them, but their subsidiaries -- ABC-TV, Fox-TV, Marvel Studios, Pixar, Hulu... Hell, she won't even be able to take her kids to Disneyland again.

Cheer up, Colin, you're not the only guy with
a wife who makes more than you.

Every actor in the business is waiting to see how this plays out. If she wins, A-listers will have "The Johansson Decision" on their side going forward.

If she loses... well, ScarJo and her husband Colin Jost better keep their home in the Hamptons, because those invites to West Coast soirees will likely dry up fast. In Hollywood, failure is considered a communicable disease.

The Little Redhead vs the Giant Saucer-Eared Mouse: it's a sci-fi movie just waiting to be made. Whoever stars in it better get the release schedule in writing. 

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If you want to see the list of Disney assets (as of today), go here.