BREAKING NEWS: 7/5/2021

Monsignor Stephen Rossetti claims one man received "snarky" texts from demons via the phone of the woman he was performing an exorcism on.

Rossetti needed to be told that this was par for the course when it came to ex-girlfriends. 

 

 

Rep. Ronny Jackson, R-Texas — former President Donald Trump’s controversial ex-doctor — sent a letter to President Biden on Thursday demanding that he take a cognitive test and make the results public, in which he said that the American people "deserve to know that he or she can perform the duties of Head of State and Commander in Chief."

Jackson added, "Right now, we can only guess there's something wrong with Biden. At least with Trump we knew he was a blithering idiot."

In related news, on July 4 President Joe Biden hosted the Washington
Nationals' mascots, the Running Presidents.

Following the photo op, Biden turned to them and said, "I thought you guys were dead."

 

The summer game show Ultimate Slip 'N Slide was pulled from NBC's schedule after an outbreak of explosive diarrhea among staff members. 

A spokesman for the network admitted, "This isn't the first time we've produced shit for prime time."

Engineers at Perdue University have created the whitest paint in history.

The first batch has been sold to states that voted for Donald Trump.

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