THE URBAN SPACEMAN

Boys, boys! Play nice with your toys!

If Richard Branson's flight hadn't become The Bitchfest of the Billionares ("I'm going into space first!" "No you're not, I am! You're just going to the edge of space!"), I might have watched the takeoff for historic reasons. Instead, I tuned in just in case it exploded on the runway.

 

But you know what? I've got to hand it to Branson. The guy published a magazine at age 16, before founding Virgin Records in his dorm at 20. Do you know what I was doing in my dorm at that age? I don't remember, which tells you the difference between Sir Richard and me.

All I can tell you is, that when buying singles by the likes of XTC and the Motors on Virgin Records, it never occurred to me that four decades later the company president would become a pioneer in civilian space travel.

A major appearance by General Branson.

Perhaps XTC, however, got a peek into the future when they cast him in their video for "Generals and Majors" -- which, if Branson didn't realize it at the time, wasn't a particularly flattering ode to the title characters. 

Perhaps because of his music background, I prefer Branson to Jeff Bezos, who seems to be in the space business just because the Brit announced it first. You'd think he'd take all that rocket money and pay Amazon employees a decent wage. And unlike Bezos, Branson doesn't force his delivery people to defecate in their vans.

It never gets old. Or does it?

 

Branson can, however, pretty much buy everything he wants. Or anybody. Well-known pro-working man Stephen Colbert was delighted to host the Virgin streaming coverage of the flight, like an ironic Walter Cronkite only with more writers and less self-awareness.

 

 

Colbert hearts carpet-bombing Cambodia.

Not knowing how to access the streaming coverage, I missed out on what I presume were Colbert's gentle zingers aimed at his dear friend Sir Richard. I just hope that Colbert -- who once did a comedy bit with the hilarious war criminal Henry Kissinger -- doesn't return to his usual mock-the-rich routine on his late night show. His fans might not miss the irony. Wait, I take that back. They most certainly will.

The Virgin Galactic flight might have been the most elaborate publicity stunt since the New York Sun's life-on-moon reporting in 1835. That doesn't mean it wasn't an important step in the future of travel. I just hope to live long enough to experience it myself. If I can get from New York to L.A. in 25 minutes, as Elon Musk is promising his SpaceX will do, I'll be the first to sign on (if I remember to renew my passport).

Hide your women, artwork, and music!

So congratulations to record company/soda/airline/space travel executive Richard Branson. And despite my cynical reasons for tuning in to the broadcast, I was happy to see his crew's safe return. Happy ending are a good thing.

But I was taken aback when the parade of cars transporting them to the press conference looked like nothing less than your typical Taliban invasion. Maybe XTC really did see something in Richard Branson that we didn't.

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From 1980: "Generals and Majors" by XTC. You can't miss Branson. (Note: the first several seconds are silent):