A DOG'S OBEYED IN OFFICE (BUT NOT FOR MUCH LONGER)

"And your point being?..."

Unless they've negotiated a peace treaty with invading Martians, it's rarely a good thing when your state governor is the lead story in the local and national news programs, not to mention the Drudge Report. And so Ron DeSantis has Andrew Cuomo to thank for temporarily turning the spotlight from Tallahassee to Albany.

 

Our Governor, who art in Albany,
hallowed it be thy TV show...

It's been a fast, sharp drop in fortunes for the former COVID-Leader-in-Chief. Only a year ago, the world stopped every day for 60 to 90 minutes to watch Gov. Cuomo explain, soothe, harangue, and josh with his monologues-cum-press conferences, taking a breath only to tell reporters how to do their jobs. If Rudy Giuliani had been America's Mayor during the days following 9/11, Andrew Cuomo was fast becoming America's Pope.

 

 

This is going to age as well as my Cleveland
Indians t-shirt.

That was before Attorney General Letitia James released a 165-page report detailing Cuomo's sexual harassment of 11 women ranging from underlings to state troopers, while creating a toxic workplace, all in violation of state and federal laws. 

The self-described slang for women who were once crazy for the now-disgraced governor -- Cuomosexual -- now takes on a very different meaning indeed. And those same women who couldn't understand how Hillary Rodham could fall for a smooth-talking creep like Bill Clinton suddenly find themselves in the same leaky boat.

 

Live from Albany... or not.

Naturally, Cuomo had a response within moments of the report's release, with a 10-minute soliloquy that can be described only as a who, mea? culpa. Unlike his press conferences, this was shot with a hi-def digital camera, the kind that made the recent Academy Awards ceremony look like it was on film rather than live.  

 

Oh yeah, she looks thrilled to be on
the receiving end of Cuomo's familial
greetings.

 

What leads me to believe the speech was indeed recorded in advance is that not once did Cuomo address any new allegation in James's report. Rather, he focused on one or two women who had already gone public with their charges. 

So while the governor tried to pin the blame on his parents for his hands-on style, he didn't explain how that included running his finger down women's backs and stomachs, and felt them up under their blouse. Maybe that's how Mario interacted with Matilda, but it's not how you're supposed to behave, Andrew!

If that wasn't enough, Cuomo said that these charges hurt women who could be considered "legitimate" victims. 

I saw what you did there, Governor! You're calling these women "liars" without saying it. Damn clever, these politicians!

Not for a while, anyway.

And yet the creepiest thing provided by one of the women was a recording of a telephone call where Cuomo serenaded her with "Do You Love Me?" If you're a 20-something woman, you definitely don't want to hear your 60-something boss bellowing that song to you late at night. Or any time of day. Thanks, Gov, for ruining happy memories of '60s music for me. 

At least Cuomo sounded sincere. But then at the end he played the pandemic card, reminding us how New Yorkers brought the COVID numbers down, but that they're inching up again, so by golly it's time to pull together and forget about these charges against him.

 

Say goodnight to the fat guy.

That move is straight out of the Harvey Weinstein playbook. When the human  Jabba the Hut was hit with several rape charges, Harv made a quick contrition before returning to his usual talking points of doubling his fight against Pres. Trump and the NRA. 

That Weinstein is now serving 23 years in a New York state prison, while awaiting trial on 10 more cases of sexual assault in Los Angeles, shows you how well it worked out for him.

(Oh, and isn't it time for CNN to fire Andrew Cuomo's meathead brother Chris for acting as the governor's adviser in this mess? He's not that good a news anchor.)

And they're making him look like Dracula, too.

Now that Gov. Cuomo is no longer the most feared man in New York state, fellow Democrats and reporters alike are coming at him with torches and pitchforks. All the Dems in Albany are calling for his resignation, while the Republicans are ready to return from their August vacation to start impeachment proceedings. That's sort of like bipartisanship, isn't it?

Meanwhile, WABC-TV's chief political reporter described Cuomo yesterday as the "lecherous, leering, short-tempered governor." Yeesh! He also pointed out that Cuomo okayed the Attorney General's investigation, only to turn around and call it politically motivated. Such a short memory, Andy!

Yeah, you and everybody else, Billy-boy.

The happiest person watching from the sidelines is undoubtedly Bill de Blasio. For not only has he spent the last eight years as our idiot mayor, he has served another position under the governor. Call it what you want -- whipping boy, fall guy, scapegoat, patsy -- de Blasio has been the object of Cuomo's endless stream of contempt and insults. 

To see the once indomitable governor brought to heel by literally every state politician has brought joy to de Blasio in the waning months of his job. You can almost see him licking his jowly chops in anticipation of running for governor in 2022, whether Albany's Simon Lagree is running for a fourth term or not. (Don't tell Bill, but being mayor will be his final job on the public payroll.)

What's got to hurt Andrew Cuomo the most -- the dagger that goes the deepest -- was Joe Biden's advice that the governor exit, stage right. For it was only three years ago that then-former Vice President Biden became the first major name to endorse Cuomo for a third term. 

I figured it was a quid pro quo for when he ran for president a year later, or possibly a hint as to who would be in his cabinet, or even running mate. Hell, Cuomo's lunchtime lectures made many Democrats think that Biden should step aside as their presidential candidate and let St. Andrew run in his place.

Biden is laughing because one day Cuomo will replace
him as the politician having his worst week yet.

How long ago it all seems! Compare the photo to the left to how Cuomo looks now. No longer the barrel-chested steamroller of Albany, he's now a thin, hollow-cheeked Rambler with three flat tires, sputtering exhaust fumes in his wake. He might not think it's over, but neither did Eliot Spitzer until it was.

One more thing. If Cuomo's rebuttal to Attorney General James was recorded weeks ago, as I believe it was, it stands to reason he might have shot two others -- one in case he was cleared, another if there wasn't quite enough evidence to go on. Someone in his inner circle should release them. What's Cuomo going to do, fire you?

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