PUT UP YOUR DUKE

Watch your step, Sunny!

If one associates Newport, Rhode Island with anything but summer tourism, music festivals, and fried clams, it would be the internationally-famous trial of Claus von Bulow, who was found guilty of the attempted murder of  his super-wealthy wife Martha Sharp, better known as Sunny, via insulin overdose in 1982.  

The conviction was later overturned on appeal.  The misnamed Sunny, meanwhile, remained in a coma until her death 28 years later. No prince's kiss to bring her back to life.

But there was another deathly case involving a rich Newporter that, until recently, had been more or less forgotten. Sixteen years before l'affaire von Bulow, Doris Duke -- who name was always preceded by the words "tobacco heiress" as if it were on her birth certificate -- mowed down her art curator Eduardo Tirella with a rented Dodge Polara after he gave her his resignation. You'd think she could afford a Rolls Royce with all her dough.

Some friend!

Duke claimed it was a terrible accident, despite her account being undermined by a little something called evidence. Fortunately for her, another little something called Newport justice prevailed. The local constabulary bought Duke's account. And when I say bought, I mean were paid. 

 

Y'know, it was worth it, right?

In no time, Duke's money was flung around town like the late Tirella's body over the hood of that Polara -- and not just for the restoration of Newport's Revolutionary War-era homes, and the local hospital. 

Months after the "accident", the police chief retired and moved to Florida, where he bought two condos. Not by 2021 standards, let alone those in 1966, could the Newport Police Chief afford such a double luxury on his salary -- could he? (I add those last two words to prevent a libel suit from the former chief's family.)

Not enough for you? Duke also hired the medical examiner as her personal physician, thus allowing him to keep his mouth shut tight during the investigation. You're a rich girl and you've gone too far, but you know it don't matter anyway...

So even at the age of 10, I thought the whole thing seemed mighty hinky. But since Duke created the Newport Restoration Foundation after getting off without even a wrist slap, everybody else in town decided to move along, nothing to see.

It could happen to anybody... who could afford to pay off
everybody in town.

Over five decades later, though, the Case of the Dizzy Driving Duke has been revived, thanks to an investigation by reporter Peter Lance. While it's gratifying that someone else thought the official story was tommy rot, I'm not sure what anybody can do about it. 

Although most, if not all, of the "investigators" have likely joined Eduardo Tirella in the oceanfront property in the sky, do the current Newport officials want to admit there was a time they could be sold to the highest bidder?

Then you've got the Restoration Society. They've done some mighty good work with that all blood money. Wouldn't they have to give it all away if it was finally proven they essentially abetted a murder after the fact?

And yet... suppose the authorities are shamed into re-opening the case, and decide that a crime was committed. We could have another trial that would surpass that of the State of Rhode Island vs Claus von Bulow. 

Of course, there is the matter of Doris Duke having been dead since 1993. But we have precedent that would make a trial possible. 

"Speak up, sir, the court can't hear you!"

In the mid 9th-century, the stinking, rotting corpse of Pope Formosus was dug up and put on trial not once but twice by his predecessors over the course of a decade -- on trumped up charges, mind you. But at least he was still dressed in his papal best. Well, whatever was left of his best.

Unlike the unfortunate Formosus, there is more than enough evidence -- including an eyewitness -- to justify a postmortem trial for Doris Duke. If this isn't a ratings grabber for Court TV, then I'm Claus von Bulow -- which my wife wouldn't like.

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