HACKS VS. FICTION

The new face of big government.

Nothing riles up Republicans as much as fictional characters. Nobody learned how stupid Jerry Fallwell looked "outing" Tinky Winky the Teletubby, or Dan Quayle condemning Murphy Brown -- a sitcom character -- for having a baby when she wasn't married. 

This is why Ted Cruz recently felt perfectly OK going after Sesame Street's Big Bird for getting a COVID shot, condemning it as "government propaganda". Beating up on what is supposed to be a six year-old bird is proof enough that the Senator from Texas has his eyes on the low-IQ voters who believe Anderson Cooper eats babies.

What  Tinky, Murphy, and Big Bird have in common, other than being characters who can't fight back, is that they're either a woman or aimed at children. Tough guys, those Republicans! You can be there are plenty of other enemies of the state they have in their sights.

LUCY RICARDO: It's bad enough that the wacky redhead keeps on trying to get into show business over the objections of her hard-working husband. But she does it even after the birth of their child! Further hurting the American way of life, she's a white woman who married a Latino immigrant. That's a mess all around. (At least they sleep in separate beds.)

 

DORA THE EXPLORER and CARMEN SANDIEGO: Speaking of Spanish-
speaking foreigners, here are two more. One's a girl who seems to spend most of her time away from home without any adult guidance. (What's Mexican for "latchkey child"?). The other's a woman who uses her criminal mindset to travel the world as a so-called spy when she should be home watching over kids like Dora. Maybe  if these two senoritas spent more time exploring their own country, they'd be happier.

 

ROCKY AND BULLWINKLE: In light of accusations of Rand Paul and his
former aide being stooges for Vladimir Putin, you can expect the Senator from Kentucky to condemn the legendary cartoon characters due to their ceaseless fight against Russian secret agents Boris Badenov and Natasha Fatale. America could use its own Fearless Leader -- which, as Paul would tell you, we had for four wonderful years until a rigged election destroyed America's dreams.

JOSEPHINE "JO" MARCH: For someone who's supposed to be a Little Woman, Miss March certainly doesn't check any of the boxes. Turns up her nose at housework, has no interest in marrying the fine young fellow who loves her, believes that writing is a better calling than raising a child...Anybody suspect that the girl with the boy's nickname isn't down with guys? Matt Gaetz will tell you that all this underage girl needs is one good man to change her mind.

 

 

 

GRACE & FRANKIE: Donald Trump will tell you: maybe if these two wackos had spent more time performing their wifely duties and less on their on selfish interests, they wouldn't have driven their husbands to homosexuality. Ladies, take note! And try stay young while you're at it.

 

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