MOVIE OF THE DAY: "CENTRAL PARK" (1932)

Broke, starving Rick and Dot meet cute in Central Park over a couple of stolen hotdogs. Meanwhile, two gangsters, posing as cops, hire Dot to unwittingly take part in a robbery. 

Meanwhile, a park cop is trying to keep his bad eyesight a secret so he can retire in a week with his pension. Meanwhile, a former park zoo employee has escaped from the nuthouse to seek revenge on a former colleague. Meanwhile, a lion from the Central Park Zoo escapes from its cage. Meanwhile...

Ah, to be young and in love and starving and
homeless and broke!

Oh man, I could keep up with the meanwhiles for the next hour, which is how long Central Park lasts. Today's movie-makers, who somehow deem comic book features important enough to last close to three hours, could learn from the writers and directors who had to keep things snappy so theaters could also run a comedy short, cartoon,  newsreel, and a brief live stage show. Had to give audiences their 25-cents worth of entertainment, you know.

"No, lady, I'm not Jon Lovitz!"

Speaking of comic books, there are no super heroes in Central Park. Typical of Warner Brothers movies of the time, the two leads are victims of the Depression. And they fall in love on the spot, because, as in wartime, things could go kablooey at any moment. Like a lion running loose in Central Park.

They also take any job offered to them. For Rick, it's washing 40 police motorcycles for two bucks. (Sounds like the cops were defunded 90 years ago.)  For Dot, it means being hoodwinked into taking part in a charity event, so the gangsters can amscray with the dough that's been raised. That the two criminals look and sound nothing like real policemen tells you how desperate people were to make a buck in the Depression.

Gee, no wonder they call him Smiley.

Even more dangerous than the gunsels is the unexpected arrival of the maniac named Smiley, fresh from breaking out of the Mattewan Insane Asylum. Charlie the park cop, too busy going blind and tickling the zoo's baby tigers, doesn't notice Smiley throwing Luke the lion keeper into one of the cages, where he's quickly turned into lunch, a scene that still shocks today. Shoulda been nicer to ol' Smiley when you had the chance, Luke!

The band decides to take five.

Luke's stuntman does an impressive job of not getting killed in that scene. But
what's really astonishing -- or frightening or foolhardy -- is the climax. The lion, who's been hiding in the backseat of a parked cab (as all escaped lions do), crashes through a window of the Central Park Casino restaurant, where he runs amok among the society swells at the charity dinner. 

While the editor makes it seem like the lion is running through the crowd for the entire scene, it's equally clear that the lion and the actors really are within feet of each other in many shots. 

The two questions that spring to mind are: 1) How much bonus pay did the extras get for putting their lives on the line?, and 2) Is this supposed to be funny or dramatic? Perhaps Depression-socked audiences enjoyed rich people nearly getting killed by a lion. Because even after watching this movie three times, it still makes me laugh like hell.

Millions of men in 1932 would have killed to have
this dish gaze at them this way.

For all of Central Park's weird detours, Joan Blondell and Wallace Ford make an absolutely believable couple, right to the end when they're both mistakenly arrested for being part of the criminal gang. 

Blondell has a really nice moment, when, during the police interrogation, she initially makes like she was in on the crime and that Ford was just a big sap, just so the cops don't arrest him. But once Ford turns to talk to the cops, Blondell's hard expression immediately softens into love, an allegedly simple piece of acting few of today's young actresses are likely capable of.

Central Park's supporting actors -- including Guy Kibbee as the cop, Harold Huber as the fast-talking gangster, and John Wray as the really scary nutjob -- are wonderful to watch. But for present-day New Yorkers, the most interesting parts of the movie are probably are the few exterior shots filmed on location in Central Park itself. The little farm (long gone) in the zoo; joggers and bikers together on the paved (now dirt) path circling the reservoir; and, best of all, sheep being led to, yes, Sheep Meadow in the morning. During the Depression it was cheaper than paying humans to trim the grass.

Depression? How can anybody be depressed in Central Park?

Central Park is just one of countless movies of the past, considered throwaways even by their studios, that are great fun to watch today, especially with their brief running time. And little things still fascinate. Like how Ford is able to take Blondell out for dessert and coffee, while still having enough left over for dinner and a movie later -- all on two dollars! Sounds like it's worth getting chased by a lion.

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Go here for the original Central Park trailer. Dig that snappy music from the Warners orchestra!