BATEMAN TAKES THE BAIT

"I'm a what?!"

 It's difficult to know whether the first sentence of a piece in Newsweek is funny, sad, or -- more likely -- wholly expected: "A former Utah tech executive and prominent GOP donor said Tuesday that he believed Pope Francis was secretly a Jewish agent."

What exactly would make the current Pope Jewish? Wearing a beanie? Taking a day off every weekend? Haranguing kids these days to knock off the sex and hippity-hop music? 

... and a what-else-is-new shoulder shrug.

Wrong on all counts, according to said tech wacko Dave Bateman. The Pope's crime, he claims, is trying to create "totalitarian rule" by helping to distribute COVID-19 vaccinations. 

Ignoring rule number one of keeping your job -- Never say stupid things in an email at 4:59 a.m., especially when you run a software company -- Bateman states that the vaccinations are actually a Jewish-run "sadistic" euthanization scheme.

Now hold on, Davey. Just a few weeks ago, you guys were saying that Jews were the brains behind COVID. Now they're trying to kill people by vaccinating them? Sheesh, get your stories straight!

These Jews-run-the-world conspiracies have been going on since religion was invented. Or, according to Bateman, at least the 300 years they've been trying to "infiltrate the Catholic Church." Frankly, the fact that Jews still haven't taken over the world, killed all the Christians, brainwashed children, or whatever the hell else they're accused of, should prove they're not very good at their job. 

Bet you didn't know Germany had TV in 1939.

For instance, we're always hearing about how Jews run the news media. Yet the most-watched news network is Fox, whose nighttime anchors couldn't be more pro-Jesus, anti-vaccination if you paid them. I take that back, they could. 

"So long, and thanks for all the
hate mail!"

The lord and master of Fox News, Rupert Murdoch -- who describes himself as a "practicing Christian" -- has a papal knighthood, for pity's sakes. Meanwhile, Chris Wallace, the last Jew standing at Fox News, has left the building for CNN's streaming site, which will give him fewer viewers than a convention of the blind. C'mon, Chris, that's not how you take over the world!

It wasn't until Dave "Sadistic Jews" Bateman was shown the door that he kind of backtracked his statement. Well, not backtracked, but clarified himself. In a text to KSTU-TV he actually said, "I have nothing but love for Jews. Some of my closest friends are Jews." 

That is some funny stuff there! Especially since he lives in Utah, which has 5,000 Jews in a population of 3.27-million. Davey gets around, alright!

But you know who's funnier -- and on purpose? Rabbi Avremi Zippel, who Tweeted this:

I understand Pope Francis has a sense of humor, too. Hey, maybe he is Jewish!

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