PRINCE OF LOW TIDES

Who was it that said there's no such thing as
bad publicity?

Maybe it's partly due to our own problems here in the US, but I'm delighted to see the fall and further fall of the now former Personal Aide-de-Camp to the Queen, Colonel of the Grenadier Guards, Admiral of the Sea Cadet Corps, and, most importantly, Patron of the Army Officers' Golfing Society. 

I'm referring to Andrew Albert Christian Edward, d/b/a Prince Andrew, a/k/a The Bestie of the World's Most Famous Dead Pedophilic Criminal -- and by all accounts the Queen's favorite child. Which makes you wonder: how bad can Charles be?

This photo never gets old. And neither
does his choice in sex victims. 

Suddenly, Harry and Meghan are starting to look pretty smart, getting out of the family business when they did (even if they've done their best to cash in on it every step of the way). It's unlikely little Archie and Lilibet will be spending quality time with Uncle Andy except on the prison's visiting day.

He was such a 
charming host!

That's not true! We all know that no matter what he's done, Randy Andy will never set foot one behind bars. If his cousin Edward could get away with being Adolf Hitler's houseguest, palling around with a vantz like Jeffrey Epstein starts to look like small potatoes. Rotten potatoes with worms crawling through them, maybe, but potatoes nonetheless. 

I'd go so far as to bet my last shilling that Andrew might not even see the inside of a courtroom. He'll have the dough to provide a monetary settlement if he sells his ski chalet... now that he's finally coughed up the final $9-million payment he's been successfully ducking for the last eight years. 

And apparently Most Right Royal
Boy Scout.

Yup, Andy's a sex criminal and a deadbeat. Again, the Queen loves him more than Charles. But not so much that he's allowed to keep his job titles -- fifteen, by my count, including Colonel-in-Chief of the Yorkshire Regiment, Colonel-in-Chief of the 9th/12th Royal Lancers, and, my favorite, Royal Colonel of the Royal Highland Fusiliers, 2nd Battalion Royal Regiment of Scotland. That last one has three Royals in the name! You can't get more royal than that. 

And I didn't even mention his military titles in Australia, New Zealand and Canada. Just another foreigner taking their jobs!

Andrew has also lost something called patronages. Those include Foundation for Liver Research (ironic for a guy who probably spent much of his time pouring liquor down the throats of teenage girls), and The Worshipful Company of Shiprights (what the hell?). 

Andrew at yet another royal
function.

If you're wondering how the UK will survive without Andrew at (or near) the helm, never fear. The Queen will be redistributing his titles to others in the family. 

Talk about fungible! This is what five-year-olds do at playdates. Last time, you were the sheriff. This time, you're the soldier. But don't worry, Andrew, you get to keep playing "Prince". For now.

By the by, if you're wondering what the heck "patronage" is, the main definitions are:

• The support given by a patron.
• The power to control appointments to office or the rights to privilege.
• A patronizing or condescending manner.

Even if he regains the first two positions, Andrew has forever lost the third. Sucker! as we crude Americans say.

                                                                                              

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