QUICK-DRAW McBALDWIN

"You're next, wiseguy, you're next."

I'm not sure what's more predictable: Alec Baldwin going all stupid on us, or me ragging on him about it. It's something known as MAC (Mutually Assured Comedy). 

But, in a brief glimmer of sanity, the actor-turned-killer finally did the right thing by turning his cellphone over to the Santa Fe Police Department. 

Of course, it was only because he was coming off like he had something to hide. Mazel tov anyway, Alec! 

Aaron Dyer: Lawyer to the 
Ill-Tempered and Violent.

And in a surprising change of pace, it was up to his mouthpiece, Aaron Dyer, to look bad this time, saying, "Alec voluntarily provided his phone to the authorities this morning so they can finish their investigation." 

What word jumps out at you that statement? Hint: it's an adverb, starting with "v", ending with "y", and with "oluntaril" in between.

"Voluntarily" indicates that Alec said to investigators, "Hey, would it help matters if you took a look at my phone? I can afford another to tide me over." 

That's not what happened. A search warrant was issued on December 18 -- two months late, if you ask me, but I'm no cop. It took Baldwin almost four weeks to "volunteer" to fork over the evidence. The concept of "voluntarily" comes into play with search warrants only if you volunteer to duck it as long as you can. But baby steps, as they say, baby steps.

Still, I'm not sure ol' Baldy did this out of the goodness of his icecube heart. As with every allegedly positive move he's made since the shooting, it's a way to deflect from something else. Two days earlier, his bipolar wife Hillary/Hilaria/ Hilarious posted these photos and captions on her Instagram page:

Under the second photo is a video of Hilaria clapping sarcastically. Real funny stuff.

One more what? Child? Shooting?
Personality disorder?

There's so much to unpack here I should hire a valet. For instance, is this what their marriage is really like -- a suicidally-unhappy husband with an uncaring wife? If so, shouldn't they be seeing a counselor instead of sharing it with her 907,000 Instagram strangers? 

Or if this is just a joke, why does Alec look like he's ready to punch out the photographer (i.e., his wife)? He's not that good an actor. 

And whether they think it's funny or a way to fish for sympathy, is it really a good idea to picture Alec Baldwin dying WHEN HE SHOT A WOMAN TO DEATH? 

Some photos come back to haunt you.

Not only are these two the most chronically unself-aware couple this side of Jared and Ivanka, they fairly boast of having psychological problems. Honest to God, if they didn't have money to burn, Child Protective Services would have taken away their kids by now. 

Whatever possible useful evidence there might have been on that phone is likely long gone, allowing to Alec bellow, "I told you I did nothing wrong!", and the manic missus to post another family holiday photo. I'm thinking her husband dressed as a giant, angry Easter bunny surrounded by their passel of frightened kids. And 907,000 people will think it's wonderful. 

In conclusion, let me add I'm even worse at drawing than Alec Baldwin. But at least I'm aware that I stink.

                                                               *********