OH, MOMA!

 

I gotta admit, I like how the headline writer
worked "surreal" into the headline.

Even out-of-towners are probably aware that New York City is currently going through a crime wave similar to that of the 1980s. Much of it is fairly horrifying -- the guy who's shooting random homeless people is just one of the currently more wanted of my fellow Manhattanites. But for utter strangeness, nothing beats the case of Gary Cabana, a/k/a The World's Most Pissed-Off Art Lover.

Over the weekend, Cabana, a homeless man, jumped the front desk at the Museum of Modern Art and stabbed two workers. As you can see by this front-page photo, the victims appear to be OK, so it's perfectly acceptable for me to say something snarky like, "Gee, this guy really does not like modern art!" 

Unlike the recent spike in "random" attacks, Gary Cabana focused on the MOMA employees for a reason. Cabana, you see, had been denied entry because his membership had been revoked. Is there anything more New York than a homeless man with a membership to the Museum of Modern Art?

Mr. Cabana also seems to be a Jaws fan.

Yes, there is! According to museum authorities (who got in touch with the New York Post) and Cabana himself, he had his heart set on viewing Van Gogh's "The Starry Night", followed by a screening of Bringing Up Baby in the MOMA theater. And we know this because, as the Post reports, "The suspected stabber has been active on social media while evading authorities." 

Let's review. Homeless guy who had a MOMA membership. Enjoys Howard Hawks movies. Is "active on social media." The only thing that could top this would be for him to claim that he's on his way to visit Donald Trump at Mar-a-Lago. Oops, he is!

This publicity shot will have to do.

You can't argue with "The Starry Night" being a great work of art. But speaking as a movie fan, I happily cop to saying Bringing Up Baby isn't worth an aggravated assault/ attempted murder rap. It isn't even worth watching. If I'm going on an extended vacation at Sing-Sing for a movie, it better be worth it. For instance:

• Humor Risk, the long-lost 1921 silent movie starring the Four Marx Brothers.
• Hats Off, the long-lost 1928 Laurel & Hardy short.
• London After Midnight, the long-lost 1927 Lon Chaney drama.
• The long-lost nine hour-version of Erich von Stroheim's 1924 drama Greed.
• Convention City, the long-lost notorious 1933 pre-code comedy.

Don't get me started.

Notice a connection? Like a certain alliterative adjective? You can't see these movies anywhere! But Bringing Up Baby is about as rare as a GI infection on a cruise ship and gives me the same side effects. Cabana could probably get his fix during one of its overhyped screenings at the Film Forum by sneaking past the concession stand. (Have you gotten the idea I strongly dislike Bringing Up Baby?)

Don't be surprised if some Upper West Side do-gooder starts a GoFundMe page for Gary Cabana. The guy checks all the boxes: MOMA member; Van Gogh fan; willing to murder for Katherine Hepburn. Said do-gooder will overlook "visiting Trump" because the poor man has psychological problems that must be addressed.

Or, as Cabana himself wrote to a Post reporter, “I was completely blindsided by the ‘letter’ from security without any meeting or consultation to explain my mental health situation and how important GREAT MOVIES are to my life.” So why does he want to see Bringing Up Baby?

UPDATE: Since writing this piece yesterday, the killer of homeless people was arrested in Washington, DC. Meanwhile, Gary Cabana was picked up by police at the Philadelphia Greyhound station at 1:30 this morning. Due to his evidently hot temper, perhaps the movie version of his life will be called Gearing Up Gary.

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