There's been a lot of loose talk lately about Jews running the world. If so, they're doing a lousy job of it. I mean, if George Soros was so damn powerful, wouldn't he have hired a few dozen gumshoes by now to investigate Matt Gaetz, Marjorie Taylor Green, and Lindsay "Lady G" Graham?
Well, maybe politics isn't necessarily their thing. Out of 535 people in Congress, only 37 are Jewish. That is a mighty unimpressive ratio. Although seeing the state of politics today, it's more likely a smart move. It should also put to bed the idea that Jews control Washington. That's the job of lobbyists, big-money donors, and loudmouth extremists.
But show biz? Now we're talking! It's no secret that over a century ago, smart Jewish immigrants with names like Warner, Cohn, Laemmle, and Zukor opened movie theaters, took a look at the junk they were running, and thought, I can make better pictures than this. And they did.
Now I have no idea who's running the studios today. They're mostly lawyers, that's for sure. But if guys like Kanye West says they're Jews, who am I to argue? People all over the place call him a genius, maybe because that's how he describes himself.
So if any you Hollywood Jewish people are reading this, lemme ask you: where were you when I needed you? Years ago, my former writing partner and I were knocking out scripts left and right. They were pretty good, as I recall, and getting better over time. And yet you, the puppet masters, didn't just cut the string, but didn't even attach them to us in the first place.
Is it because I'm only half-Jewish? Come on! Just that 50% could have gotten us a meeting at Paramount. I'm not even talking lunch at the Water Grill. Danish and coffee and orange juice at the office would've done just fine.
And don't give me that "Your writing partner was a gentile" song and dance. After we went our separate ways, I kept writing and submitting my own scripts to agents. What good did it do me? Bupkis! See, I even know your slang.
Now here's the funny thing, the part where it's nothing but laughs. My former partner has gone on to good things in the publishing industry with his talented wife. The guy even has a Grammy on his mantle. (TBH, I don't know if it's on the mantle. It could be on his bureau or his desk. Maybe the bookcase. But he's got a Grammy!)
Granted, I have three Promax awards on my bookcase for scripting NBC promotional spots. But that was in the 1990s! And that freelance work dried up 20 years ago. So what's the deal? It couldn't be my so-so talent or admitted lack of drive and focus. Not when you people control the entertainment industry!
Well, it's too late to help me anyway. I got rid of those screenplays long ago, along with the floppy discs they were written on (that's how long ago it was). So unless you have the power to give me total memory recall, I'm afraid anything you have to offer is useless. So thanks a bunch.
Just remember this: Kanye West became a billionaire in show business -- and he hates you! I'm just a meshugana who thinks all religions are ridiculous. But I'm not an antisemite!
"Meshugana." That makes two of your slangs!
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