NOT SO MOTIVATED

If you want to be happy like Claus von Bulow,
get yourself a good lawyer.

 Apart from discovering proof of a murder, it seems that motive is the key element in an arrest of a suspect. Why would a guy who appeared to be happily married murder his wife? To inherit her fortune! Why would a woman poison her husband? To marry the co-worker she's been running around with! Why would a teenager kill his parents? In order to throw a weekend-long party! 

All those crimes seemed like a good idea at the time -- if only the participants hadn't thought How to Get Away with Murder was a documentary series. But there are other times that murders can be taken at face value. All you need is the first sentence of a news item to figure things out even if you aren't named Philo Vance: 

Investigators in Colorado were continuing to search on Monday for the possible motive of a gunman who the authorities said killed at least five people at an L.G.B.T.Q. nightclub in Colorado Springs on Saturday night before being subdued by patrons.

The possible motive? Let's eavesdrop in the Colorado Springs police station to see how professional crime solvers put together all the pieces of the puzzle:  

COP 1: So the guy went into a gay club, killed five people and wounded 20 more with a rifle.

COP 2: Wow. This was a gay club?

COP 1: Yup.

COP 2: Why do you think he did it?

COP 1: You got me. 

COP 2: Yeah, I can't figure it out either. Killed five gay people, wounded another 20 gay people. Everybody gay. What the heck would be his motive?

I look forward to the gumshoes coming up with some possibilities as to the killer's reason:

• Wasn't a fan of the Pet Shop Boys.
• Suffers from allergy to feathered boas.
• Know it's impossible to be raining men.
• Got wrong directions to target range from Siri.
• Was a leftist who thought the name Club Q referred to Q Anon.
• Forgot he took off his VR headset at home.
• Angry when realizing a French Blonde was actually a drink.
• Really sick of disco.  
• Was told the armorer loaded the rifle with blanks.

You keep turning over every clue, boys. We know you'll find the motive for somebody shooting up a gay nightclub sooner or later. 

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