STRICTLY ON BACKGROUND, PT. 53: "LAW & ORDER: ORGANIZED CRIME"

 

It isn't often I get to work in Chinatown. But February 13 was my lucky day, when I showed up for Law & Order: Organized Crime (or O.C., as its fans call it.)

While I "played" the fairly respectable "role" of Nightclub Owner on O.C. last summer, here I was initially booked for the stock part of Chinatown Pedestrian. For any of the L&O franchises, that usually promises a one-scene morning gig that gets me home in time for lunch. This time, when I received my official marching orders, I was asked to bring two changes of clothes, meaning three scenes. I wouldn't even make it home for dinner -- and, to my wife's delight, it promised a day alone for her. 

This is not a mask.

I had plenty of time to kill before my first scene, allowing me to watch a funeral procession of what appeared to be someone of importance in the Chinatown community. There was also a chance to study the local grocery stores and take-out joints, one of which had a skinned pig sitting proudly in the window. Like the saying goes, they eat everything but the squeal.

Two white guys, a black guy, and an Asian walk
on to a hot set...

Although I had a 10:00 a.m. call time, my first scene didn't start until the middle of the 

afternoon. There were three of us geezers and one youngster (meaning early 20s) in the middle of a small pedestrian street, standing underneath an umbrella where people gather to eat -- or, in our case, talk about work while a couple of actors playing undercover cops engaged in a slow-paced chase of a couple of other actors playing perps. 

Four or five takes, and it was done. The best part about it was discovering a nearby barber shop that charged only seven bucks for a haircut. Even factoring in the roundtrip cost of a senior-citizen subway ride from the Upper East Side, it would be worth it. (In my neighborhood, I shell out $26 including tip.)

On the right, waiting for my turn to lose all my
money at the card table.

The next two scenes fulfilled my lifelong dream of being a degenerate habitue of a Chinatown gambling den (even if they were filmed inside a legitimate restaurant). I handled my part as "token white guy" with skill, faux-sipping a glass of faux-beer while watching everybody else actually do stuff. 

Just so you know, "the camera never lies" is itself a lie. Contrary to how I look here, I do have some hair atop my head. However, as I study my ever-sagging chin, it seems that I'm turning into a marsupial.

The final scene gave me a chance to really stretch those "extra muscles", as I was now gambling at a card table. The guy playing the dealer was, appropriately, the real deal. While the director set up the scene, the dealer taught us Pai Gow Poker, a Chinese offshoot of the Western game, played with seven cards. Following two rounds of practice, with piles of chips at our disposal, we were pros. 

On the far left, wondering why a guy can't
gamble illegally in peace -- and why you still
can't see the hair atop my head.

This scene promised to be more exciting than the others: a police raid with guns drawn as we low rollers either put up our hands or, as I was instructed, tried to bolt. Have you ever run up a flight of stairs where a dozen or so cops made it clear you would be taking your last step if you didn't halt in your tracks? Try it, it's exciting!

When O.C. aired, the raid had so many fast edits that it took two viewings to recognize myself leaving my chair. Sadly, my don't-shoot-copper bit on the stairs didn't make the final cut. Even worse, I don't remember how to play Pai Gow Poker. Guess I'll have to get a seven-dollar Chinatown haircut as an excuse to find a real gambling den to get those lessons again. 

                                                         *****************