JUNIOR MINCEMEAT

Well, maybe not temporary after all.

 I'm not the type to second-guess experts, so I went all-in on whatever they were telling us in the first year of covid. Now that the dust has settled, these same experts are admitting that it might not have been such a hot idea to, say, shut down schools for a year. 

I don't hold it against them. We were dealing with a disease that nobody had ever encountered before. 

But then there are other things that can be understood even by dolts like me without the experts weighing in. According to the Journal of Youth and Adolescence, a recently unearthed 60 year-old study proved once and for all -- brace yourself -- middle school students who are not athletic or attractive become increasingly unpopular across the school year.

That last statement provides a hotlink to the article, just so you know I wasn't making up such a shocking discovery. Next thing you know, they're going to tell us mixing antifreeze with orange juice doesn't make for a good cocktail. 

Nerdy teens aren't considered cool. Why in the name of Poindexter was this study kept under wraps since the Kennedy administration? Generations could have saved endless hours of misery if they had been given the choice of Zooming junior high from home. If Zoom had existed then, I mean.

Monkey in the middle.
I should have acquired a stronger eyeglass
prescription before going clothes shopping.

Yes, I would have thrived on attending classes from my laptop. I'd have kept a cover over the camera so I wouldn't have been seen, either. I mentioned it in passing a while back, but it bears repeating: my junior high (and early high school) years were as close to hell on earth I ever want to experience. If I could live that time over, I'd do it in a coma. 

People like me would agree. You don't need a study for it. All you have to do is think back to your own school years. Remember those nerds nobody hung out with? The ones that might have been the recipient of laughter, insults or sucker punches? There's your study. And free!

It's been my experience, both personally and through reading, that many people look back at those years as best time of their lives, no matter what they've accomplished since. Yet

Grey skies are gonna clear up...

 I wouldn't trade places with them. Because for me, things could only get better. And they did.

I became less geeky, more confident and popular, and, yes, better looking throughout the decades. If I'm ever reminded of school days, my only thought is, Thank God that's over. Give me what I've got now.

But for plenty of former campus big shots, it's apparently been all downhill for the past half-century or more. That would make for a more interesting study. Until then, experts can use their grant money to study why experts study the obvious.                                 

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