ROCK AND ROLLING US

The (Polished) Rock.

 I hate to say this, not because it's bad news, but because it's a cliche: I'm not a
lawyer but I occasionally play one on TV. I wish I were a lawyer, though, so I could understand how actor Dwayne Johnson was able to copyright phrases. 

Before going further, it's important to add that many of the phrases were associated only with Johnson during his wrestling days when he was known as The Rock. For instance, I don't know of anyone else referred to "The Samoan Sensation", "Rocky Maivia", or "Rockpocalypse". Nor do I know what "Roody Poo" or "The People's Elbow" mean. But if Johnson was the only one who used them, he's welcome to them. If I wanted to the be known as the People's anything, it would be savior. 

But there are other phrases he's copyrighted that have been in circulation for years. I seriously doubt Johnson was the first person who hurled the insult "Candy Ass" at somebody. Yet as of February 29, 2024, Dwayne Johnson is the only person legally allowed to use the phrase on t-shirts, baseball caps, or anything else he can charge good money for. 

And it isn't like Johnson even claims he came up with these things. He admits that another insult he now owns, "Jabroni", was actually created (or popularized) by another wrestler, The Iron Sheik. I would say he's got chutzpah, but he probably copyrighted that, too.

Why would Dwayne Johnson want to be
associated with this guy?

Then there's another of his new prized possessions, "Rock Bottom". I bet you've used that phrase a few dozen times in your life. Yet not once did you ever consider yourself to be its owner. In fact, if anyone could lay claim to that, it would be the producers the low-budget Felix the Cat TV cartoons in the early '60s, where a character named Rock Bottom often appeared. 

If it's the title, it must be true.

How about "The Great One"? Maybe some younger wrestling fans refer to Johnson that way. But to the rest of us, the moniker will always belong to Jackie Gleason. That nickname was allegedly given to him by Orson Welles, who really was the great one. Yet neither of those admittedly talented egomaniacs ever went to the United States government to prove it. 

Johnson also lays claim to "The Most Electrifying Man in Sports and Entertainment". If I were a stickler, I'd say that since he's strictly a movie actor now, he's no longer allowed to refer to sports as his profession. And how the hell does he own the phrase "It doesn't matter what..."? Anybody who ever grew up with at least one parent lost track of how many times they heard those angry words at the beginning of sentences. 

"The rest of you have to say '87 years ago' and
like it!"

Just think of all the opportunities missed over the years. The Al Jolson estate would be making money hand over fist if he had copyrighted "You ain't heard nothin' yet!" Abraham Lincoln could have amped up his $25,000-a-year presidential salary had he thought to officially own "Four score and seven years ago". And pity the poor fool who first uttered the numbers "24/7" without realizing what they were missing out on. 

The only thing you can do now is start yapping something like "Good morning!", "I'm over the flu" or "Looks like rain, hunh?" every day just so you can legitimately own them and slap them on every consumer item you can think of. Then sue the first candy ass jabroni who uses them without permission.

                                                                  **************