PETTY WOMAN

Not long ago on this blog, I grudgingly offered a teaspoon of sympathy to the scions of movie stars who had entered the family business, i.e. Hollywood's nepo babies. My take, which still stands, is that sooner or later talent -- and, more importantly, box office appeal -- will rule the day. There is no way financers will regularly risk hundreds of millions of dollars just because one of the leads has a familiar last name. The actor has to bring something else to the table, like a reasonable chance of recouping their investment. In show business, that alone is worth hiring a particular person.

A young Emma Roberts and her key
to the kingdom.

Well, am I ever happy that one of those babies gave me the chance to recant my
semi-kind words of weak-tea support. Last week, Emma Roberts -- daughter of Eric and, more importantly, niece of Julia -- spilled her guts to something called Flaunt magazine. Just the name Flaunt is a semaphore signal that nobody quoted within its pages is known for scientific discoveries or bold economic theories (unless the latter includes the best overseas tax dodges). 

Asked about the nepo yak-yak spreading across the internet like a spilled bottle of Diet Coke, Emma got mighty huffy and self-defensive, telling the asskisser interviewer, "I've lost more jobs than I've gained being in the business. People have opinions and sometimes maybe they're not good opinions of people in your family. I've never gotten a job because of it, I know I definitely lost a couple of jobs because of it."

Holy spoiled brat! Not even a deaf contralto could be this tone deaf. Let's analyze each sentence in order of appearance.

 "I've lost more jobs than I've gained being in the business." As my wife says regarding women who wear inappropriately flesh-baring dresses, Oh, come ON, honey. Emma has 57 credits on her resume, with another six in pre- or post-production, since she started working in 2001 at the age of 10. Is she saying that she's lost more than those 63 jobs due to her name? Good Lord, maybe it's time she finds a steady job in another profession, like waiting tables.

Eric Roberts in a rare moment not
on a movie set.

"People have opinions and sometimes maybe they're not good opinions of people in your family.": Emma must be reading Protocols of the Elders of Hollywood to come up with this theory. Her dad, Eric -- an Oscar and Golden Globe nominee, and a far better actor than Aunt Julia -- alienated a lot of people in the industry decades ago for reasons I don't quite remember. The last time he appeared in an A-list studio picture, the Berlin Wall was still a thing. I am willing to bet my IRA -- which wouldn't cover Emma's monthly expenses -- that nobody casting a movie ever said, Let's not hire her. I had a bad experience with Eric on the set of Runaway Train. (Fun fact: Eric Roberts' imdb page lists 734 credits, with another 89 productions set for release in the next two years. Now that's a working actor.) 

 "I know I definitely lost a couple of jobs because of it." Technically, I suppose this should be part of the previous paragraph, but it gives me another chance to rant. If Emma really did lose "a couple of jobs" (which, to reiterate, isn't a lot compared to the 63 she booked) it was due to at least one of two things: she wasn't right for the part, or the producers were looking for a bigger star. Again, no investor chooses to lose money because of what Emma perceives as a personal grudge. In fact, I bet more "enemies" than "friends" work together in show business simply because everyone wants to make money any way they can, and there's more jealousy than support in Hollywood. Julia, do your niece a solid and explain that everybody loses roles sooner or later. She'll thank you one day. Or not.

Emma Roberts, then, is just one more example of a clueless young actor who got a lucky break that comes to few mortals, and yet still can't stop complaining about how tough she has it. A psychiatrist might refer to this phenomenon as deflection, or, if they were being kind, guilt. 

What this non-professional can tell you for sure is this: there are no secrets in show business. That is, when the word "difficult" is used to describe actresses, the names of Margot Robbie, Emma Stone, Helen Mirren, Cate Blanchett and Sandra Bullock are nowhere to be found. The one who tends to lead the list, however, is Emma Roberts. 

By the way, Eric Robert was Golden Globe-nominated for Runaway Train, Star 80, and King of the Gypsies, which is exactly three more titles than you can name for his daughter. 

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