THE LOVE DOPE

Lee Marvin and his soon-
to-be ex-pal.

Forty-five years ago, a new word entered the English language. When Lee Marvin decided to give the heave-ho to his live-in girlfriend Michelle Triola, she took him to court in order to win half his earning for the six years they were together. 

Since they were never married, Triola wasn't entitled to alimony. And so she asked for the next best thing: "palimony". The judge ruled against her, deciding that "sleeping with an actor" didn't count as an occupation.

Now we have "tolyamory", which is so new that it doesn't pass the spell-check test yet. Nor, for most people, would it pass the smell test. Tolyamory, to put it simply, is putting up with your spouse's extramarital affairs in order to keep up the cool lifestyle you would lose if you filed for divorce.

Weiner tries hard not throw up as Huma 
rings up her lawyer.

Now, I used to call tolyamory "doormat syndrome", best exemplified by Hillary Clinton and Huma Abedin, ex-wife of former online sexual predator and full-time Charlie Callas lookalike Anthony Weiner. (Fun fact: Bill Clinton officiated the wedding, which should have set off alarm bells in Abedin's head.) But at least the one-time Mrs. Weiner eventually decided pride trumped political ambition, while the still-Mrs. Clinton... well, there's no need to rehash her life any further.

As an amateur etymologist, I didn't need a Masters in Linguistics to figure out the "toly" in tolyamory derived from "tolerate". And as professional cynic regarding human nature, I knew that cheating spouses -- 99% who are husbands -- will breathe a little easier knowing they have an ace up their sleeves when caught with a sidepiece. "Haven't you heard, honey -- we're in a tolyamorous relationship! The person I'm cheating with understands, why don't you?" 

"If I can put up with it, so can you!"

I couldn't source, though, the person who created the word "tolyamory", but it makes me wonder -- was it the person doing the cheating in order to justify their behavior? Or was it the person being cheated on in order to justify the joint checking account? Or was it a single person who's just trying to force us old-timers to get with the program and put up with an unfaithful partner? 

As one of those old-timers, all I can do is sit back and watch in both amusement and pity at the way people twist themselves into Rold Golds by using the latest buzzword instead of taking a hike and asking for alimony. It isn't as cute as "palimony", but they'd feel better about themselves.

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