DEATH OF THE BLUES

All that money spent on patriotic American flags
-- for nothing.

If you ever wondered how sincere news pundits really are, you only had to listen to them the morning after the election. For weeks, they were crowing how smooth the Kamala Harris campaign was running, the way she and her team were nailing Trump to the wall with a thousand and one hammers, how perfect it was that she became the nominee only days before the convention -- no chance to get tired of her! It was there for all to see if you looked hard enough: the American People (®) were on her side.

In Joe's case, literally finger-pointing.

These same pundits had barely woken up from their Harris hangover when knives
were drawn and fingers pointed. How did the Democrats screw this up so badly? Didn't they realize voters weren't buying what they were selling? Why didn't Democrats know that she had too small a window to campaign? It's as if these geniuses had suddenly realized that a "fun" convention, JD Vance couch jokes, and Taylor Smith's endorsement didn't necessarily translate to landslide victory. And the way they crowed about it, the latter must have been a real shocker.

Makes you wonder if Ann Selzer was a GOP
operative.

Yet the most-asked question was How did the polls get it so wrong? You mean the polls
that said Trump had at least a 50% chance of winning? Those polls? Like, all of them? No wonder why Democrats glommed onto the  Friday night-before-the-election press release by the-never-wrong-gosh-darn-it Ann Selzer that had Harris up by three points in Iowa, and was guaranteed to win the race. No, my friends, the polls didn't have it wrong. That poll had it wrong. 

Not all Trump voters are Nazis, but -- oh, you
know the rest.

Perhaps this "shocking" outcome wasn't shocking to wised-up voters (hey, that's me!) who, despite desiring a different outcome, could never quite shake the feeling that the majority of Americans --or at least American voters -- have cozied up to the idea of living under an autocratic theocracy as long as the "theo" part isn't Muslim, and that the Dear Leader would like to get rid of at least two TV networks. These people mulled over the choices on Election Day and said, "Hm. Yes, I'll take some of that, please. With a bag of Cheetos, if you don't mind." And I'm proud to be an American where at least I know I'm free -- to get rid of everything that makes me free...

"At last! I'm not the only woman to lose the
election!"

It's become a cliche of a cliche that Democrats know how to rob defeat from the jaws of victory. I'd say they're what Republicans were until November 5: a party that preferred to go over the cliff with their flags flying because they wanted to stand for something, no matter how inane. And what Democrats stand for today is losing like a drunk in a Vegas casino at three in the morning. 

And to show you what a sap I am, they had me believing we had a chance of winning the presidency and at least one of the chambers of Congress. Instead, the only chamber they won was inside a loaded .45 they pointed at their own heads. The Lincoln Project can look forward to another four years of making hard-hitting commercials that won't move the dial.

If even half of what Democrats have been warning us will happen under a second Trump administration comes to be -- and, with the GOP controlling Congress, why wouldn't it? -- I can once again return to my no-news policy that started to fray on October 7 of last year, and completely ripped apart on the day when Trump was almost assassinated. You should try it, you'll feel better. Avoiding the news, I mean, not taking out the president.

Suddenly, Republicans have no problem with
bilingual instructions.

A friendly piece of advice to Democrats: caring more about the price of bacon than codifying the drag queen story hour for kindergarteners doesn't automatically make one a homophobe or unaware that inflation has dropped. Too, the idea that making Puerto Rico and Washington, D.C. states because you'll get new, er, colorful voters is no longer a given. Just check the stats. And getting rid of the Electoral College as you've demanded wouldn't have helped you this year, either. 

Better get going now if you want to run in 2028.

Way back when Howard Dean was the chairman of the DNC, one of his missions was to
was to make Democrats competitive in all 50 states. Good idea, that. Problem was, it meant candidates visiting red states and not just talking to people but listening as well, preferably in diners that served greasy cheeseburgers and bars where people drank Schlitz on tap. Explaining why your ideas are better than those of Republicans in easy-to-understand words without flowcharts, college degrees or heavy sighs. What used to be called retail politics. 

The overwhelming response from his party was laughter. How's your response working out for you now? 

Here's how: y

Lorne Michaels' hands aren't clean, either.
 

ou've lost the working class to a billionaire who would like to eliminate their overtime pay, cut Medicare and Social Security, and whose unofficial choice to handle the budget (Elon Musk, another billionaire) has admitted that his proposals, combined with Trump's mass deportation, would cause a world-wide economic "storm" and a stock market crash. 

When that happens, your former base still won't vote for you because Republicans will convince them it was all your fault because you gave up on them. And they won't be entirely wrong. At least the GOP pretends to care, even as they stick the shiv in their working-class backs. 

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