THE BIG ROTTEN APPLE

 While today is Election Day, it's never too early to look forward to the next time we go the polls. Unless you're a New Yorker like me. Then you just want to take a 14-month nap.

Stuff like accepting bribes from from foreigners.

Our current mayor, Eric "Turkey Isn't Just for Thanksgiving" Adams, isn't letting a minor predicament like his upcoming corruption trial stop him from announcing his intention to run for re-election. Unlike his predecessor Bill de Blasio -- who at least gave us the East River Ferry, an invaluable shuttle for us way-over-on-East-Side residents -- I can't think of a damn thing Adams has to run on. Unless you count opening the Turkish consulate without proper safety inspections. (Anyone who willingly works for authoritarian governments deserve what they get.)  

Cuomo demonstrates his hands-on
style with women.

Andrew Cuomo saw his decision to consider running for mayor as an opportunity to return to his occupation of choice: a political leader disliked by Democrats and Republicans for his angry rhetoric, hamfisted style, egotistical demeanor, and overall petty arrogance. Yet it was his reputed sexual shenanigans -- all unwanted by the women he set his sights on -- is what finally cost him the governorship of New York state. (See, women, you do have the power!) Perhaps he believes enough time has passed that people have forgotten his transgressions. And even if they haven't, he can always remind them that, unlike Donald Trump, he didn't rape a woman in a Macy's dressing room. 

Remember, Rudy, a lot of pressure comes with
the job.

At this point, anyone would be a better choice, particularly if it was a former, highly respected mayor. Like Michael Bloomberg, a Republican who was elected to three terms in cobalt blue New York. But life being life, it's Rudy Giuliani instead who's floated the idea that he is ready to occupy Gracie Mansion instead of Sing-Sing, despite having more criminal charges, indictments, felonies, and guilty charges than I did girlfriends before getting married. His reasoning? "If you don't have a Republican or independent mayor, you will have corruption in City Hall." I forgot what a sense of humor Rudy has!

So, no matter what your political affiliation, spare a thought for New York voters today. Because whether your candidate of choice becomes president or not, next year we in the Greatest City In The World will likely have the Worst Candidates In The Galaxy. Mike Bloomberg, save us!

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