UNDER COVID, PT. 21: OPEN, SAYS THEM

Pretty ironic, since the Knicks tend to make people sick.

The good thing about living in a COVID hotspot like New York City -- aside from surviving -- is that we were forced early on to get with the program. We've been shut down, masked up and kept apart almost two months; not only is everybody long used to it, but we knew that it was for our own good. 

Yes, the numbers were going up early on, but we knew if we continued doing what we were doing, they would start to fall. 
And they have for three weeks.

It will be interesting, then, to see what happens to the previous low-risk areas of the country that have decided to throw masks to the wind and open up. States with the lowest number of cases, usually in yellow on news graphics, are now orange or even red. By the way, we're the only purple-hued state, slackers.

Boy, Californians sure know how to have fun at the beach!

You can already see how well some states are handling their gradual openings. In Oklahoma, a McDonald's patron who was disappointed to see the dining room was cordoned off (again, for her own good), shot two employees. In Michigan, a Family Dollar security guard was murdered by three customers who weren't keen on wearing masks. Maybe there'll be a vaccine by the time they're paroled, so they won't have to go through that nonsense again.

Meanwhile, police are trying to shut down "COVID parties" in Walla Walla, Washington (the town so stupid they named it twice). These have been held because celebrants want to catch the virus, hoping to gain future immunity. No one was shot, but they still might die.

Even TV reporters are getting a little tired of the status quo. Some have taken to jazzing things up with colorful masks when on camera. The desire to get out of the rut is understandable. But there's definitely a clash when talking about about death and economic destruction when decked out in the latest in fashionable PPE.

Whether reporting from an abattoir in Flint or the boardwalk in Bruce Springsteen's hometown,
you've always got to be lookin' fly.

Cool masks or no, we're not hanging up the OPEN sign in New York State before May 15. And even, there are enough caveats to make one wonder if things are going to be entirely up and running before next spring, particularly if flu season is as, um, interesting as some are fearing. As for New York City itself, Gov. Cuomo has already made it clear that we're going to be last to see the light of day.

Better yet, come 68 years ago. You've got your choice of Martin &
Lewis onscreen at the Paramount or Olsen & Johnson live at the
Palace. 

Eager to try one of our fine restaurants? Think about the middle of July, when the weather sucks and many of them will be out of business anyway. Want to see a Broadway show? Don't make plans before September. Better yet, make that 2021! By then, ticket prices will be higher than ever -- but at least the seats directly next you will be empty.

Parades in the city have been cancelled for the next few months, for which I give thanks. However, Bill de Blasio has promised the traditional July 4 fireworks "come hell or high water", although he said nothing about coronavirus gumming up the works. And if New Year's Eve in Times Square is your thing, that should be a real adventure. I suggest an outfit from the House of Apollo 11.

You know what? Just stay where you are and have a COVID party. We have enough on our plates as it is.

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