BREAKING NEWS: 3/21/2022

 

The federal commission charged with commemorating 250 years of American
independence in 2026 is at war with itself over allegations of featherbedding, favoritism and misappropriation of taxpayer funds.

A spokesman for the commission confirmed the charges, adding, "But what could be more American?"

In an interview with The Independent, Bill Murray said that people have been wearing masks during the pandemic because they're afraid to die.

A quick survey found that the majority of Independent readers replied, "Well, duh!"

A hospice worker named Julie went on TikTok to list the top regrets her patients have at the end of their lives.

Number one was when newspapers treat celebrities' stupid comments as words of wisdom.

Researchers at the University of Essex have found that most boring person in the world is a data analyst who is religious, watches TV, and lives in a town.

Running a close second are researchers at the University of Essex who took the time to figure this out.

In an interview with Tucker Carlson, Kid Rock declared himself "uncancelable".

Rock explained, "How can I be cancelled when nobody listens to me?"

Republican Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene said yesterday that some of the aid going to Ukraine will go toward funding Nazis.

Greene added, "It oughta be going to our own Nazis right here in America!"

The New York Times has admitted their claim regarding Hunter Biden's laptop as Russian disinformation was incorrect.

"In our defense," Times editor Dean Baquet said, "we lied in order to make up for our support of the Soviet Union in the 1930s. Doesn't that count?"

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