MOVIE OF THE DAY: "ROSES ARE RED" (1947)

Today's moviemakers would do well to watch 1940s B-movies. In a year where the Oscar-nominated movies run from 140-minutes to three hours, Roses are Red has enough plot for a Netflix miniseries and still wraps things up in 67 minutes. Plus, it has a more straightforward title than Power of the Dog (which I still don't understand).

Dirty cop Rocky Wall (his name sounds like a bad ice cream flavor) finds what appears to be a photo of the tough-on-crime D.A. Robert Thorne in the purse of a murder victim. Wall hands it over to criminal kingpin Jim Locke, who intends to use it to drive Thorne out of office. Why not say the election was stolen? It almost worked here!

You can tell this is Carney and not the D.A. 
because he's wearing a black shirt and a nasty
sneer.

Locke's plan changes due to the appearance of Don Carney, a former lawyer-turned convict-turned-actor (hell of a career move!).  Since Carney's an exact double for Thorne, Locke arranges for the D.A. to be kidnapped, with the idea of substituting him with Carney. This really is starting to sound like "Stop the Steal."

As Thorne's girlfriend Martha, a reporter, tries tracking down the source of the photo found at the crime scene, Thorne himself gets one over on Carney and changes places with him, leading to the latter's death at the hands of the unimaginatively named gunsel John Jones. Just as Thorne returns to work pretending to be Carney pretending to be Thorne (whew!), Carney's wife shows up, throwing a marital monkey wrench into an already confounding story. And if you're having trouble following this, imagine what the actors went through. I actually omitted a subplot or two!

"OK, who am I supposed to be this
time?"

Sometimes it doesn't pay to be faithful to
your girlfriend.

As with similar movies, you have to put your common sense on hold while watching Roses are Red (the title of which refers to the flowers found at the murder scene). Thorne and Carney not only look the same-- height, weight, and chocolate-milk moustache -- they have the identical voice. The only difference is that Thorne refuses to kiss Carney's wife the way any guy would, which ultimately gives him away. You'd think he'd forget his girlfriend for five minutes in order to keep the ruse going.

The reason why Thorne and Carney are identical, of course, is that they're both played by Don Castle. Juding by his photo on the one-sheet, he seemed to have been promoted as the new Clark Gable, even though he more closely resembles the paunchy, booze-addled, middle-aged Errol Flynn. Which is pretty sad, since Castle was only 30 years old.

Again with the sneer!

For a low-budget B, Roses are Red''s scenes featuring the twin Castles look quite good, lacking the seam you usually see in these things. In fact, most of the budget likely went to the special effects. I hope they had enough money left over for the overworked continuity girl.

Charles McGraw (second from left) learns from old
pros Joe Sawyer, Edward Keane and Charles Lane.

The real treat with Roses are Red is the number of familiar character actors, some long-timers, some newcomers. The underrated Joe Sawyer as Rocky Wall, Edward Keane as Joe Locke, and the legendary Charles Lane as Locke's attorney make up the former category, and are all a pleasure. (This must be the only movie where Charles Lane appears in more than one scene.)

The wardrobe department probably told the 6'7"
Arness to wear his own damn clothes.

The soon-to-be-familiar newcomers are Charles McGraw as Locke's bodyguard, Jeff Chandler as John Jones, and James Aurness -- later Arness -- as one of Thorne's personal vigilantes bringing the bad guys to justice. Roses are Red offers endless opportunities to say, "Oh, that guy!" even if you're watching it by yourself. Which, if you're anything like me, you probably will.

Roses are Red isn't a film noir so much as it is a film hunh? I mean, did the writers take this wacky story seriously, or was it just a way to earn a few bucks, likely over the course of two days? Yet that's the kind of B-picture that blisses me out, as I imagine what it was like to see it in a little movie house somewhere in Brooklyn on a rainy evening 75 years ago. I even admire the sets that were redressed and used in different scenes to save money.

Yeah, you can keep Dune. If there were a category for Best Use of Limited Funds, Roses are Red would definitely have gotten my vote.

                                                              *******