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| I will definitely continue doing this. |
what might be called thought pieces by people whose thoughts you otherwise wouldn't be interested in.
This morning there was a piece entitled "I Am Over 60 and I Will Never Do These Things Again." Most of them the usual "Look how good I am": Never chasing after approval, taking relationships for granted, living in the past.
In other words, nothing to see here, folks, just the usual pat-on-the-backs that every over-60 has said at one time or another. But it encouraged me to list my own list -- and I daresay they'll resonate with more people than "I'll never ignore fruits and vegetables."
So now that I'm over 60 (closer to 70, actually), I will never do these 14 things again:
1) Have sex after 9:00 p.m. I'm not saying this is my choice necessarily, just stating a fact.
2) Sleep through the night without having to take a leak every 90 minutes.
3) Remember that I need a new jar of cumin when making a shopping list.
4) Ponder life's deeper meanings. I just accept the world is going to hell.
5) Read a novel just because it's supposed to be a classic. Life's too short to slog through Bleak House, and people who say otherwise are lying. (A college teacher actually did assign my class to read Bleak House. After reading the first 10 pages I put it away and promptly forgot there was going to be a test on it at the end of the term. I have no idea how I bluffed my way through it.)
6) Not to always feel obliged to walk two blocks in order to drop food scraps in the composting bin when the trash cans are in the basement. Garbage is garbage.
7) Ignore #6 when my wife orders me to take food scraps to the composting bin.
8) Not eavesdrop on another person's cellphone call when they're near me in public. You lose your right to privacy once you step outside your front door, bub, and I enjoy feeling superior when you're having a fight with your spouse.
9) Pretend to enjoy classical music at New York's free concerts in Central Park. Just once, could they perform stuff we know?
10) Pretend to understand the dialogue in New York's free Shakespeare in the Park. No way would I pay good money to listen to that gobbledy-gook.
11) Nod in agreement as fellow baby-boomers complain, "Top 40 sucks these days." You're not the target audience, and your parents said the same thing about the music you liked.
12) Admit that Top 40 sucks these days.
13) Use the phrases, "At the end of the day", "FYI", "Thinking outside the box" and the words "Literally", "Amazing" and "Surreal". For God's sake, people, think outside the box!
14) Use my Microsoft homepage as an influence do anything other than switch to Chrome.
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