Pick an analogy, any analogy. Groundhog Day. Broken Record. Old Man Yelling at Clouds. Whatever your choice, it seems to be me this week, as we have another episode of Can't These People Hear Themselves?
Last time, as you recall, Julia Roberts's niece Emma was trying without success to convince us that her family ties not only didn't give her a leg up in show business, but actually cost her some jobs. Today, it's John Corbett's unwanted turn in the Fisheye spotlight.
If the name doesn't resonate with you, he, too, is an actor; you may remember him from several TV series, including Northern Exposure, Sex and the City, and Parenthood. He's also been featured in dozens of movies. Remember the dreamy fiancé in My Big Fat Greek Wedding? John Corbett at your service.
Mr. Corbett, then, is one of God's chosen: a tall, handsome, working actor for almost 40 years, going from TV to movies and back and forth yet again. Not quite A-list, he nevertheless doesn't worry when his next meal (or role) is arriving. So, this would be as good a time as any for him to make an ass of himself, as he told podcast hosts Dana Carvey and David Spade, "I can reveal now I picked the fucking wrong thing to do with my life." 
Damn, what a miserable life.
Yeesh! You know what kind of actor usually says that? One who's turning 50 and suddenly realizes they've been waiting tables since they left high school and that the only big break they're likely to get is their leg when they slip on a glass of water one of their customers spilled -- not a guy with 81 movie and TV credits to his name, and who co-starred in the most successful indie comedy of all time. And you wonder why Middle America hates Hollywood.
But please, John, continue. “Have you ever sat in a fucking waiting room of a doctor’s office for like an hour and been like, ‘what the fuck? For me, that’s what making a movie is like, because I’m not part of any creative process.”
I've said something like this more than once, but it appears I have to repeat myself again. Walk up to any aspiring New York actor who's on their way to their fourth audition of the day and ask, "Hey, you interested in co-starring in a real, honest-to-gosh movie for good money? Before you answer, I have to warn you, there's a lot of hanging around between takes." Go ahead, guess what they'd say.
Soooo... on the one hand, John Corbett is living the dream of every actor in the world. But it's all for naught because... he didn't write a joke? I've seen Corbett in a movie or two, and frankly he doesn't look like he could write a joke or line of any kind.
But you know who else didn't? Almost every actor in movie history. When internet memes quote Groucho Marx, nine time out of ten they're quoting his writers. When people even now annoyingly imitate Forrest Gump saying, "Life is like a box of chocolates," they mistakenly give all credit to Tom Hanks. And don't get me started on "I can't quit you."
If John Corbett really found acting unfulfilling, he'd have quit acting long ago and done something he allegedly liked more. Or he could have written his own movie -- even a 20-minute short! -- and filmed it with his iPhone, a la Steven Soderbergh. But the former move would have required a drastic cut in pay (and lifestyle), and the latter, writing more than just one fucking line.
Prowling around the internet, I found a quote from an actor that John Corbett would do well to heed: "Acting is a win-win situation. There is no risk involved. That's why I get tired of hearing actors who try to make out that there's a downside to it. Fame is an odd thing. It bugs you a little bit, but it's really not bad."
Say, that guy sure sounds like he has his head screwed on straight! He recognizes that whatever downside there is to a successful career in show business, it's more than outweighed by the good that comes with it.
It was spoken by John Corbett. Before he was so fucking unfulfilled.
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