SELL YOUR BOOTY

But they don't want to hear what
happened to the musicians who 
played on it.

 There are endless stories of early rock musicians getting ripped off by managers and record companies. A guy I used to work with played guitar on the million-selling hit "Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini". For the band's fine work, they were paid one (1) carton of Coca-Cola to split among them.

Today, it's the internet ripping them off, with royalties paid in the tenths of cents. Only a pink unicorn like Taylor Swift is guaranteed to make bank with every release (and re-release) of her records, with tours providing a very lucrative gravy. 

Taylor will never have to resort to British pop singers Kate Nash and Lily Allen decision to open OnlyFans accounts to supplement their income by charging people to look at their butt and feet respectively. 

Lily gives a free sneak preview on Instagram.

Would you be surprised to learn they're making more money with their side hustles? It kind of makes you wonder why they even bother with that whole music nonsense when all they need to do is set up their iPhone and snap away. If there were enough people nutty enough to pay to look at my feet, I'd never get out of bed, unless it was for the occasional pedicure. And if they preferred my feet as they are right now, I'd never leave my front door. 

As with Lily Allen, Kate
Nash negates "you
gotta pay to play" by
providing a look gratis.

Nash and Allen are trotting out the bromides about how "empowering" it is to "take control" of their bodies, the same way women claimed about stripping 25 or so years ago. It actually sounds like they've lost control of their bodies, seeing that this is the only way they can earn a living. 

Nash also claims she's trying to "start a conversation" about the current state of the music industry. The only conversation she's starting is "Have you seen Kate Nash's ass?" Not that she minds. As she says, "My arse is shining a light on the problem." Without a bikini of any size or color. She and Lily would be dumbfounded to learn that a Top 40 hitmaker like Harry Nilsson could make a comfortable living without ever touring.

Resale tickets for Elvis Costello's tour next February are going for over $1,000. I felt like I was breaking the bank shelling out 25 bucks for orchestra seats to see him in the '80s. But that was at a time when you had to buy tickets at the box office and not from scalpers, royalties were more generous, and Elvis didn't have to show his butt to make ends meet. I think we can all agree which of those we're most grateful for.

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