In my two score and 13 years of driving, I have been the proud owner of zero cars. I grew up in a family where there were two them in the driveway and garage. During college in Boston and subsequent move to New York, the subway was and continues to be my mode of transport. Whenever driving has been preferable or necessary, I've rented cars.
So imagine my embarrassment when I received this text six weeks ago:
Did I say "embarrassment"? I'm sorry, I meant to say "affrontment" (even if there isn't such a word). New York State can't suspend my vehicle registration because I have no vehicle registration to suspend. And by my memory -- admittedly, not laser-precise -- I hadn't rented a car since the middle of January. There's no way toll-and-tax hungry New York state would have waited over three months to threaten me with any punishment less than sitting through a press conference with Gov. Kathy Hochul. Zip, bang, boom the thing went in the "Blocked" file.
That seemed to be the end of it. Until less than a week later:
Both the website I was to click on and the number from where it was sent were different. So were the other phone numbers the texts were being sent to. As if I wouldn't notice! Unlike many scam texts, the grammar on these two missives was almost perfect. I'm not sure if I would've pluralized "impact" but, unlike the message itself, it could definitely pass for correct. Another number blocked.
Since I allowed the "pay or else" date to pass, I figured it would be my last notice. No no no, as I learned three days later:
Wowee! Looked like they really meant it this time. From the exclamation mark in the yellow triangle to the boldfaced FINAL ENFORCEMENT, the guy at the other end was insistent on me coughing up some dough. And to make it look even more like he knew what he was talking about, he threw in that little doohickey in front of the New York State Vehicle and Traffic Law and Part 127 of the Commissioner's Regulations. Not that I knew all that without Googling it.
Yet why did they give me another chance after being a scofflaw regarding paying the toll? So they could send me give me another "final" warning yesterday, that's why:
Wait, did I say final warning? This is a FINAL ALERT, and the best yet far as grammar and legalese crap are concerned, even if the area code, as the others, is anywhere but New York state. Once again, the other recipients along with the "remit here" number are different. No need to read the whole thing -- it's just a rehash of the previous texts with 10 times the mumbo jumbo.
I was seriously hoping for another warning this morning stating something like, OK, buster, this time we're not kidding! Instead, just as I was finishing this piece, a different text arrived:
This time's the charm! Even if they did send the exact same text last December.
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