PICTURE THIS

 Most of the updates for my previous phone were unremarkable. Which is why I'm going to remark about my current phone's updates. And oddly, they have nothing to do with what a phone was originally designed for, viz, talking to people. These updates are all about what today's phones are primarily for, viz again, taking photos.

Wait, let me re-viz that viz. The updates can now turn photos into pictures in four styles: 1) Interesting, 2) Is That Me?, 3) No Way Is That Me, and 4) This Is Bullshit. But one constant is that the warning you receive when the art is generating, Results May Be Unexpected, means Nothing Like The Real Thing. I use myself as exhibit number one. 

First, let's examine the selfie used in the experiment:

What a serious-looking fellow! And so well-dressed. Why isn't he getting background work these days? Would the casting agencies prefer an A.I.-generated sketch?

Say, that's a darned good drawing... of someone else. Is my facial hair so white that it's invisible? Jeez, even if it were there, this wouldn't look that much like me, although it possesses a very vague resemblance to my father circa 1970. Let's see what the anime style does for me.

Outside of the jacket and tie, this is remarkably inaccurate. If someone's casting Perry White for the next Superman movie, they've got their man. Otherwise, I'm still out of work. Can I see something a little different please?

Gotta admit, this software captures my inner dullness splendidly, seeing that there's barely any difference from the previous picture.  Still, this particular style tries jazzing me up by including a pocket handkerchief. Got the color of my shirt right, too, so bonus points there. 

Hey, I know what to try next -- what about that "realistic" A.I. style you see in so many YouTube avatars?

Damn, I keep getting older with this thing. It keeps missing the goatee, a well. And it still looks absolutely nothing like me!  In fact, this resembles the unassuming manager of a Men's Warehouse who moonlights as a serial killer.

I'm not sure what the point of this software is if it's going to turn you into a different older person. It reminds me of the episode of The Twilight Zone about a camera that takes photos of what will happen one minute into the future, only this goes a decade beyond. 

Now, there's a very good chance I really do look as old as these faux-fellows, and I'm not picking up on it. If so, I'm starting to believe the cliche that my phone knows about me than I do. To paraphrase Chico Marx, who am I going to believe -- me or my own Android?

 

                                                            **************