BREAKING NEWS: POST-ELECTION EDITION

Facing reporters after Republicans swept Congress by historic levels, President Barack Obama refused to concede that the results were a repudiation of his administration, despite that all the winners ran explicitly anti-Obama campaign ads.

When asked by the Washington Post's Brad Lanes if he was being delusional, Mr. Obama said no, adding, "And if you don't believe me, you can ask Miranda, the little pink unicorn I keep in the Rose Garden. Miranda never lies to me."

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