The Wizard of Oz had it right: Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain. Another way of putting it would be Don't read about what I've done. Look what I'm doing! Nothing works like distraction, but it takes a real pro to pull it off successfully. Do any of these nominees for Best Distractor have it in them?
WHAT HE'S DISTRACTING FROM: A city where crime, homelessness and debt have skyrocketed under his tenure.
HOW HE'S DISTRACTING: Mourning the death of 1980s rapper Biz Markie, who he likely never heard of until one of his young aides told him to put out a press release.
WILL IT WORK: Only for New Yorkers who have been in a coma the last eight years. De Blasio's likely next move? Law professor, which should make everybody worried.
WHAT HE'S DISTRACTING FROM: Low ticket sales for his upcoming speaking tour with Donald Trump.
HOW HE'S DISTRACTING: Threatening to sue a reporter who mentioned the low ticket sales.
WILL IT WORK: That "I'll sue you" palaver is right out of Trump's playbook. Bill's fans will cheer, while never realizing that it's just an empty threat. Then the next threat comes along. Lather, rinse, repeat.
WHAT SHE'S DISTRACTING FROM: Losing the mayoral race due to her insistence on defunding the police during a dramatic crime wave, while living in a posh Brooklyn neighborhood with private security. Oh, and sending her kids to private schools while demanding everybody else sends theirs to public schools.
HOW SHE'S DISTRACTING: Writing a Washington Post op-ed piece praising New York's new ranked-choice voting system for the mayoral race. Which, as mentioned earlier, she lost.
WILL IT WORK: She'll always have a home on MSNBC as a talking head.
TUCKER CARLSON (TALKING HEAD - FOX NEWS)
WHAT HE'S DISTRACTING FROM: A New York Times piece that paints the press-hating pundit as the "go-to source" for reporters.
HOW HE'S DISTRACTING: Claiming the NSA is spying on him. As if a big mouth with the highest rated nightly prime time show on cable news needs to be "spied" on.
WILL IT WORK: We're talking Fox News viewers. You do the math.
WHAT SHE'S DISTRACTING FROM: Really cool branded merch on her website, including a "TAX THE RICH" sweatshirt going for $58. Capitalism in action!
HOW SHE'S DISTRACTING: Blaming Joe Biden for the unrest in Cuba rather than the corrupt Communist government.
WILL IT WORK: Dude! Really cool branded merch!
REP. MATT GAETZ (R-FLA)
WHAT HE'S DISTRACTING FROM: Being investigated for underage sex trafficking.
HOW HE'S DISTRACTING: Joining the "Free Britney Spears" movement.
WILL IT WORK: Tough to say. Spears is over 20 years older than Gatez's preferred age of sex partner. On the other hand, his diehard voters have no problem with sex charges as long as he owns the libtards. On the third hand, he still looks like a sex trafficker.
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