SKY FAB

If there's anyone qualified to take a flight into near-space at the speed of sound, it has to be a washed-up pop star-turned-amateur hour judge; a news host known for being besties with the person who introduced us to two medical charlatans named Phil and Oz; a movie producer you've never heard of; and a woman sleeping with Jeff Bezos, the guy behind the flight. 

"All" as in all women who can provide
Bezos with the right kind of hype.

The fly girls in question are Katy Perry, Gayle King, Kerianne Flynn, and
Lauren Sanchez. What better way for Bezos to distract you from his BFF crashing the stock market and wiping out your 401(k)? 

Alright, so this isn't just a bunch of celebrities who don't feel famous enough. They're going to be accompanied by two scientists, Aisha Bowe and Amanda Nguyen. Well, former scientists. Bowe is now an entrepreneur (meaning someone who might want to invest in Bezos' Blue Origin space business), while Nguyen is described as a "social entrepreneur". I'm not sure exactly what that means, but her Wikipedia bio, along with Bowe's, are each more impressive than the other four combined. Hell, as a retired nurse, my wife would be a better choice than them. 

This is similar to what Bezos did almost four years ago. That was when his crew consisted of Michael Strahan, WIlliam Shatner, a couple of rich investors, and Laura Shepard Churchley, daughter of Alan Shepard (the first American in space), which actually made her the most qualified of the bunch. 

Here's one billionaire Colbert doesn't mind,
especially if it means a payday.

As you can see, Bezos had all bases covered in both flights: news, celebrities, and money. All he's missing for this one is hiring Stephen Colbert to host the flight's livestream coverage as he did for Richard Branson's own not-quite outer space jaunt in 2011. (Maybe Colbert has a non-compete clause for selling out to billionaires.) 

The four non-scientists onboard Bezos' rocket give hope to little girls that all they need to do to accomplish such great things is skip astronaut school and instead become a pop star, read a news script, have a nice checking account, or give money to the rich guy behind the whole stunt. It's the 21st-century version of high school girls who used to go on hot-rod joyrides with the "bad boys" for a cheap thrill. Cheap, that is, unless Bezos is paying them to risk their lives to make the cover of Elle.

Who?

By the way, anyone ever hear of Tracy Caldwell Dyson, Dorothy Metcalf, Naoko Yamazaki, and Stephanie Wilson? No? Of course not! They were only the first all-women crew on the International Space Station.

That was 15 years ago. But guess which crew is currently described as "historic" by every news outlet. Time for those little girls on earth to practice their lip-synching talents!

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