The official press release, followed by the translation:
I HAVE LEARNED: The coppers gave me a heads-up three hours ago.
WITH THE DEEPEST CONCERN: Concern that the royal family is about to go the way of the Hindenburg.
THE NEWS ABOUT ANDREW MOUNTBATTEN-WINDSOR: Notice I didn't say "my brother"? Pretty clever, right?
AND SUSPICION OF MISCONDUCT IN PUBLIC OFFICE: Because emails and photographs aren't really evidence, are they?
WHAT FOLLOWS IS NOW THE FULL, FAIR AND PROPER PROCESS BY WHICH THIS ISSUE IS INVESTIGATED IN THE APPROPRIATE MANNER AND BY THE PROPER AUTHORITIES: Now that my mother and I can no longer cover up for Andrew's crimes.
IN THIS, AS I HAVE SAID BEFORE, THEY HAVE OUR FULL AND WHOLEHEARTED CO-OPERATION: After we spent over 15 years hiding it and threatening anyone who asked about it.
LET ME STATE CLEARLY: THE LAW MUST TAKE ITS COURSE: After over 15 years of preventing it.
AS THIS PROCESS CONTINUES, IT WOULD NOT BE RIGHT FOR ME TO COMMENT FURTHER: Bloody hell, leave me alone!
MEANWHILE, MY FAMILY AND I WILL CONTINUE IN OUR DUTY AND SERVICE TO YOU ALL: Just don't ask what our duty and service is outside of covering up family messes, avoiding taxes, and eating quail for lunch.
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