THE GREAT ROCK & ROLL SWINDLE

Want to see eight acts? It'll set you back
$7.50 ($5.50 for the nosebleed seats).

 During the waning days of psychedelia, something called "The 1950's Rock and
Roll Revival" took hold. Acts that hadn't been on the charts in over a decade were suddenly touring America on the same bill.

Hippies wanting to relive their adolescent and teen years were now able to see their former favorites live, perhaps for the first time, providing relief from Vietnam, Richard Nixon, and The Lawrence Welk Show. 

Over 50 years later, the urge to go back to what are thought to be "a more innocent time" exists in later generations. And so, this coming September, Brooklyn welcomes the CBGB Festival. 

A black & white photo captures the ambience
better than color.

For those unfamiliar with the initials, CBGB was a small concert venue in Greenwich Village. Originally specializing in Country, Blue Grass, and Blues (hence, the name), by the mid to late 1970s, it had become the number one punk club in the city, legendary for its bathroom as much as the shows. 

l was there once circa 1982, dressed in my finest black clothing, to see Marshall Crenshaw. While I remember the show, I don't recall using the facilities, although that might be my brain blocking the memory. 

The name CBGB Festival is somewhat misleading. First, it's being held in Greenpoint, Brooklyn at Under the K Bridge Park. Second, the only acts who appeared at the original CBGB are Patti Smith, Bikini Kill, Agnostic Front, and Circle Jerks.

As for the Sex Pistols and Buzzcocks, what they have in common is that their current line-ups don't feature the original lead singers, making them something like the Beach Boys of punk. The other acts are comparatively new, such as Mannequin Pussy, Interpol, and Violet Grohl, the 20-year-old daughter of Foo Fighters frontman Dave Grohl. Nepo punk-wannabe baby! 

Do you think the original Sex Pistols
would have put up with "Punk Royalty"?

In other words, CBGB Festival is pretty much CBGB in logo only. Another difference is the price of admission. Tickets start at the "affordable" $99(!) for "Young Punks". The three other tiers top out up at $799 for what they refer to as the "Very Very Important" section for "Punk Royalty", which is rather oxymoronic if you ask me. Among the many goodies provided for the VVIP are "Flushable, air-conditioned restrooms", which the real CBGB patrons would have destroyed before the night was over. 

Music aside, what interests me the most is the inclusion of Morrissey. His British nationalist leanings have caught flack from the press both here and abroad (you can even find a list of "The Ten Greatest Songs Hating Morrissey"). The backstage interactions with the famously progressive Patti Smith should be interesting, if not outright hostile. 

Morrissey -- the inspiration for
Mannequin Pussy?

Another problem for some ticketholders is that Morrissey, a take-no-prisoners vegetarian, has long prohibited the serving of meat-based products at his concerts. Will he put the kibosh on kielbasa upon hitting the stage at CBGB Fest? If so, this would be the most genuinely punk move of the night. 

If you're wondering why CBGB Festival isn't happening at the club itself, the dump closed its greasy doors in 2006. Today, it's the home of the high-end clothier John Varvatos, who peddles something called the "Tom Petty Fringe Jacket" for $4,000. If you want to get an idea of the real CBGB, you'll have to visit the Punk Rock Museum in -- natcherly! -- Las Vegas. General admission will set you back $49.99. 

Coincidentally, I've got $49.99 that says two of the Very Very Important Punks in the $799 seats will be Jeff Bezos and the missus, torn jeans and all. And if Kash Patel shows up, the other VVIPs better be careful when he starts hitting the Budweiser. No telling what mischief he'll get up to. Suing the Atlantic for a quarter billion bucks -- so punk!

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