PETE'S ROSE

 When choosing a potential father for your baby, it's always good idea to find a guy with certain characteristics. These include:

• borderline personality disorder
• online suicide threats
• an addiction to cannabis that no amount of time in rehab has ever cured
• a history of intense relationships that flame-out within weeks
• a resemblance to a guy you would run away from if he didn't have eight million dollars in the bank

Made for each other.

At least that seems to be what Elsie Hewitt was thinking when she started dating Pete Davidson. 

Pete, of course, is best known for all the above, along with making an intergalactic fool of himself when he was briefly attached to Ariana Grande. (The only memorable thing about his eight years on Saturday Night Live was just how unmemorable they were.)

Elsie Hewitt is known for... well, really nothing until Pete knocked her up. Oh, she's done some modeling and acting and dated a couple of other vaguely familiar actors, the way most B-level semi-celebrities do until they "wish each other the best" or launch a multi-million-dollar lawsuit against them, as she did with Ryan Phillipe due to his alleged physical and drug abuse. Elsie is a "food influencer" as well, although it's unclear how one influences food to do anything other than go bad if kept out of the fridge too long.

Having gotten the hang of suing ex-boyfriends, Hewitt is threatening to do the same to Davidson. Oddly, drugs aren't involved. This time, it's all about the child support which she claims Davidson hasn't provided. Like Ryan Phillipe, Davidson denies the charges, adding that he's covering her entire lifestyle, including health insurance. If only he spent a fraction of that money on a decent stylist.

Any other guy who looked like that would have
"restraining order" all over him.

Let's take a glance at their relationship timeline. Pete 'n' Elsie started dating in March 2025. Their daughter, Scottie Rose, made her debut in December of that year. 

If you haven't done the math yet, that's exactly nine months from "Hi, I'm Pete, what's your name?" to "Your water is breaking? What does that mean?" 

During their relationship, they broke up and got back together a few times before officially calling it quits this month due to Davidson's "intense travel schedule" (to his dealer?).  

There's no way of knowing if the pregnancy fell under the category of "C'mon, what are the odds, right?" or deliberately planned by one of them. If it's the latter... well, Pete Davidson doesn't strike anybody as the type to "settle down". Not when attractive women are throwing themselves at him despite looking like a cross between a drug cartel hitman and a raccoon. 

By Scottie Rose's first birthday, Pete will be, as his PR team always says, "taking it one step at a time" with another good-looking woman, while Elsie will be sharing her baby food recipes with her one million followers. It's remarkable how far a pothead and a former Playboy model can go in life. And if you forget the condom, so much the better!

                                                          #############