LOVE IS GREEN

 Two stories about love affairs gone kaput hit the press within a week or so of each other. One was kept a secret for decades, while the other was made for our current TMZ lifestyle. Neither were the kind I would want my daughter to get involved in.

Jackie always had the look of a
sex-starved third-grade teacher.

The first concerns Jackie Kennedy, the woman who still holds a weird fascination
over many of my generation's populace, mostly women, mainly for having married men willing to overlook her having the demeanor and speaking voice of a six-year-old girl in finishing school. Last week, People magazine -- the suburban women's New Testament -- published excerpts from Camelot's Architect, the memoir by Jack Warnecke.

Despite the book's title, Warnecke had nothing to do with King Arthur. This Camelot refers to the hoary nickname given to the JFK years, when the handsome president ran "The People's House" like his personal brothel, while handing off sex partners to friends, aides, and brothers alike.

Following JFK's assassination, Jackie asked Warnecke -- an architect and family friend -- to design the late president's memorial. And like something you'd read in a mediocre paperback romance, the two fell in love. Yes, you read that right: their affair started over Kennedy's grave. Yeesh, no wonder they kept their relationship a secret. 

Bill is oblivious to Jordan eyeing the hot
young paparazzo off to the side. 

Relationship number two involves the break-up of 74-year-old Bill Bellichick and his girlfriend Jordan Hudson, age 25. 

Who could've guessed that would happen? I mean, if a septuagenarian resembling Fred Flintstone and a woman young enough to be his granddaughter can't make it, what hope have the rest of us? 

It started out the usual way, as a workplace romance: he was a football coach, she, a cheerleader with a degree in Philosophy. That degree apparently helped her answer the question haunting young women throughout the ages: How long do I put up getting laid by a repulsive sugar daddy before I ditch him for someone who doesn't make me vomit? 

Jackie's already thinking about that
big payout when Ari kicks the
Greek bucket.

Four years, to be exact. Long enough for Jordan to go from a henna tattoo artist
and competitive pageant contestant to running an eight-figure business empire. 

Which brings us back to Jackie Kennedy, who left Jack Warnecke -- the man she considered the love of her life -- in order to marry Arstotle Onassis, an older, uglier, much richer guy -- a move she soon regretted as the biggest mistake of her life. Until he finally died and left her $26 million. 

Moral for young women considering the easy way up the financial ladder: sex with old, rich guys pays! The only thing you have to lose is your pride, which you probably don't have much of anyway.

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