BREAKING NEWS: 6/21/16

A Broadway musical based on the board game Monopoly is currently being prepared by Hasbro and the Araca Group, a theatrical production company.

As in the legendary game, Monopoly: The Musical will be boring as shit, lose money for most investors, and seem like it'll never end.

A Kenyan court upheld the use of anal examinations to determine a suspect's sexual orientation, dismissing the argument that the procedure was degrading. "I find no violation of human dignity, right to privacy and right to freedom of the petitioners," Mombasa High Court Judge Mathew Emukule said.

A Court insider said that Judge Emukule doesn't have to submit to the procedure because everybody knows what an asshole he is already.

According to  a new book by Bill Clinton’s ex-lover Dolly Kyle, Hillary Clinton was heard calling mentally challenged children “fucking ree-tards” and caught on record blurting out the terms “stupid kike” and "fucking Jew bastard."

When asked about the book, Ms. Clinton laughed it off, saying it was the work of a "fucking sheeny spaz."

Philippine president-elect Rodrigo Duterte's endorsed the killing corrupt journalists, warning them, "Just because you're a journalist you are not exempted from assassination, if you're a son of a bitch."

Informed of the statement, Donald Trump said, "Who says I'm not influential?"

A group of researchers from the University of Western Australia observed a group of wild gorillas in Rwanda over an 18-month period. Out of the 22 females studied, 18 of them engaged in lesbian love.

Male gorillas watching from nearby made verbal sounds, which the researchers translated as, "Yeah baby! Now we're talkin'! OW!"

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