PEOPLE OF MULTI-COLOR

I wonder if she really appeared
on radio in that outfit.

Fans of old war movies will recognize the "Dragon Lady" character as a beautiful Asian woman who used her sexuality to trap white men into spilling the beans on whatever top secret they had in their heads. 

If real Asian actresses weren't handy, there were always plenty of white women in "yellowface." Or, in the case of Marion Sweet (right), co-star of the radio series Terry and the Pirates, yellow-voice. 

But at least one Latino is taking the "dragon lady" business to the next level. Allow me to introduce you to Eva Tiamat Baphomet Medusa, who is:

the first and only person to have both ears cosmetically removed as part of her ongoing quest to become a 'dragon'.

Born Richard Hernandez in Maricopa County, Arizona, the 55 year-old has undergone a number of painful procedures over the past few years including nose modification, tooth extraction and eye coloring.

She also has a forked tongue and a full-face tattoo as part of her transformation into a 'mythical beast'.

That last sentence is just begging for an obvious Hillary Clinton joke, but when have I ever been obvious? 

At least she won't need sunblock anymore.

Certainly not as much as Ms. Medusa (left), who, apparently unsatisfied with the self-destruction described above, also had horns implanted in her forehead, scars burned into her skin, and green ink tattooed into her eyes.

Frankly, I'm not impressed. Until Ms. Medusa grows large wings and learns to blow fire from her mouth, she's just another unidentified reptilian creature with a punk haircut and colorful passport photo to me.

But the best part is that Ms. Medusa feels the need to admit that she has "serious gender dysphoria." You've gone from man to woman to a creature that doesn't even exist -- I think we're hep that something is up with you.

This kind of extreme makeover isn't unique to Ms. Medusa. Ted Richardson of the UK underwent similar surgery in order to look like a parrot. He should definitely get a refund, however, since I

Polly wanna straitjacket?

would bet good money that no parrot exists who has a multi-colored goatee or spikes growing out of his head.

Not satisfied with going the pseudo-avian route, however, Ted also had a peace sign branded into his hand. (Nothing says "peace" more than a 1300-degree iron burning your skin). And for apparently no reason other than having nothing else to do one day, two magnets were implanted in his hands. Ted must be the only person in the world who sings "Stuck On You" to his refrigerator door. 

Some people would consider people like Eva and Ted "sad." You know what I think is sad? Both of them will probably have an easier time getting a job at Costco than I ever will. 

                                           

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