STRICTLY ON BACKGROUND, PT. 52: "THE EQUALIZER"

 On the afternoon of December 14, 2022, I was just one of a couple dozen people
sitting in a Prospect Park synagogue unknowingly waiting to be mowed down by a bunch of American Nazis. Definitely not the way you want to spend the holiday season, but it was all part of the job.

This was my second Equalizer gig, and, unlike the first time, Queen Latifah wasn't part of my scenes. She and her associate kicked Nazi ass before we arrived, as the production was being shot out of chronological order. It wasn't until the episode aired that I got to see how close my fellow congregants and I came to being machine-gunned during a Saturday service (we were filming in the middle of the week -- another piece of TV magic). 

Somehow, the darker hair made me
look even older.

It was pretty easy stuff. First, we were sitting in the pews to the left of the rabbi, consoling each other after the near-massacre. Second, in front of the rabbi before that incident. And third, hiding in the basement while the bad guys were upstairs looking for Jews to kill. 

For reasons not explained, the wardrobe people replaced my tie with one of theirs, while somebody sprayed something on my head which darkened what little hair I have left. I think it was supposed to make it look thicker, but to me it just looked like I was wearing the hair-in-a-can product that never fools anybody. At least the yarmulke would hide most of it.

The episode aired March 12. My first appearance was front row center of the pew. And just to correct the rumors, I was placed there by the A.D. rather than helping myself to the seat. 

Just to show you what a small world this is, the woman on the left side of the front row did a scene with me on Law and Order SVU in 2015. In that show, we were supposed to be a couple, Here, she's making like she doesn't know me. At least I'm with someone age-appropriate.

Something that slipped my mind was the tracking shot in front of the pew. Cool thing: big close-up! Bad thing: the only person out of focus. Worse thing: I worry for my wife's vision when she says I'm still handsome. Maybe being out of focus was good after all.

Following the basement scene (where I didn't make the final cut), we returned upstairs, shook up by what just transpired. On the rear left, my pew-partner and I are going in for a consolation hug, but by the looks of it, she's pushing me away with one hand while slapping me on the back of the head with the other. I think it's my hairspray that's repulsing her.

Good screentime for sure. Too bad this Equalizer episode had the misfortune of going up against the Academy Awards. That's 18.7 million people who missed me in favor of watching hundreds of movie stars with their phony hair color.

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