IF 9/11 HAPPENED IN 2023

 

"This never would have happened if I had been president."

"What do you expect would happen to a racist country like ours?"

"While we keep the innocent victims of this tragedy in our thoughts and prayers, let us not forget that this attack was God's wrath for America straying from its Judeo-Christian roots. Particularly Christian."

"We are denying the U.S. military access to Starlink to prevent them from finding and destroying al-Qaeda fighters. I don't want to start World War III."

"Those homosexual Jewish Democrats in New York got what was coming to them."

"Meta has reactivated al-Qaeda's Facebook page in order to provide a more robust exchange of ideas."

"The mainstream press is feeding you lies. Al-Qaeda has nothing to gain from this. This has Israel's fingerprints all over it."

"Oh man. This sucks. I was just telling my buddy Doug Stanhope -- real funny guy -- I was telling him what we should do. One: send all our MMA fighters over there and kick some terrorist ass. Two: Give the terrorists a shitload of weed so they can mellow out. Three: They need to get laid. Seriously. In fact, we don't need the MMA over there. Just give 'em a shitload of blunts and the best hookers we can find. I guaran-fucking-tee you it'll be over in a day, two tops."

"This is what happens when you tell a generation of boys that it's alright if they play with Barbie dolls and wear dresses and paint their nails and let them think, 'Well, yes, it's perfectly normal for me to want to mutilate my sexual organs because I'd feel more comfortable sitting down to pee.' You're going to have this diametrically opposed reaction. Really, it's a miracle that it didn't happen sooner. Or maybe it would have been a miracle if it had happened sooner. And I can say that because I'm a clinical psychologist."

"What happened?"

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