TODAY IN NEW YORK

 So what's going on in the city I've called home for 45 years? Let's pull back the curtain and take a look.

Cyclospora, otherwise known as the "explosive diarrhea" bug. We're back to the early days of covid, washing our foodstuffs with everything other than Clorox before eating them. 

And which ones are possibly infected? Fresh fruit. Fresh vegetables. Meat. Dairy. Coffee. Alcohol. Well, thank God I don't drink alcohol anymore! 

As of this morning, five more ZIP codes, all in Central Harlem, are infected, bringing the total to eight neighborhoods. I've lost track of the number of cases, hospitalizations, and deaths, but trust me: it's a lot. 

Seventy-six infected cooling towers have been cited, including the rich kids' private girls school on our block, along with my wife's gym and the CVS where she recently received her pneumonia shot. There's no escaping this damn thing!

As in 2023, we say Thanks a heap, Canada! On the upside, with the air quality index at only half of the previous 415 -- you remember, the day New York had the worst air quality in the world -- the sky won't turn quite as orange or be quite as death-inducing.

On the other hand, the city has a vague aroma of a campfire gone out of control, the sky is a hazy grey, and everyone is advised to stay home, hide under the couch and wear a covid mask. Oh, and don't breathe until the city gives the all-clear. (New York's air quality hasn't been all clear in about 200 years, but we'll let that pass.)

 

Oh yeah, I almost forgot. It's hot as hell.

And yet with all this plague-like madness going on, I went out early this morning to get some errands out of the way. 

What did I see? Well, aside from the Canadian smoke, there were people. Jogging, walking their dogs, going to work, picking up garbage. Even setting up outdoor seating at restaurants. 

Why? We are fucking New Yorkers. There are things to do, people to serve, a city to run. We shut down for 24 hours after 9/11, then got back to work, school, and took our kids to the playground and parks. You think we're going to let legionella, explosive diarrhea, a little smoke and heat stop us? Hell, no! Now let me seal the windows, get out the toilet paper, crank up the A.C., and wash the veggies for 20 minutes. I've got a life to live!